Performance-based relationships fail

     In my day job, I often write about loans or financings that companies acquire. Often times to secure this money, the company has to meet certain terms and conditions - milestones if you will. It's very much performance based.

     While this is expected in transactions like this, it hardly seems like the performance-based structure would quite lend itself to matters of the heart or relationships. Yet millions of couples go on blissfully unaware that they are in these types of relationships and are forcing "the terms of agreement" in their relationships.

     In a conversation during my commute to work on Atlanta's finest rail system, I spoke with a man who was struggling with his wife on this very issue. Often times he has to perform a certain task - whether it's cleaning up the house, or buying her that special gift that she wants - before the relationship can advance (that's code for before she can be cordial to him again).

     It's a tough situation he's in. Constantly being put into a "position" where he has to "prove" his love. Now if you're reading this, and you think that this is silly, ask yourself if you're guilty of this?

     Do you love your mate unconditionally, or is your significant other only as good as what he or she can do for you? Do you withhold sex from your spouse when they fail to complete a task? Do you have a sour attitude and become emotionally distant when your spouse fails to meet a goal you have set for them and the family?

     If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then I would urge you to reconsider your actions. Not only does it create distance between you and your spouse, but it also serves as a sad narrative of your true character.

     End the performance-based relationship and learn to love unconditionally. It will pay off tremendously in the future for the health and well being of your marriage.

Relationship Rant #632

About a month ago, one of my friends broke up with a woman that he had been in a longterm relationship with.

After the break up he through up his hands and made a fateful proclamation - "I'm tired of trying to love these women. From now on, I only want one thing."

Sadly my friend's proclamation is one that can be heard from husbands throughout households across the country. If you listen closely - probably in unison too.

I think the issue is that many women bring in a great deal of emotional baggage that men are not equipped or prepared to deal with. See a lot of men see the world in black and white.

We think if we hold down a good job; provide for our families and stay faithful - then that's it. But women need, want and desire more. Unfortunately that more sometimes manifests itself in anger when it is not given. 

It's not that men are unable to give, it's that they simply don't know how. Some would relish the opportunity for their wives to tell them - hey this bothers me because ....

How many arguements over hanging the towel up the wrong way; or washing dishes could be avoided if wives would just open up and tell their husbands why it means so much to them? Many loving husbands would jump at the opportunity to be able to love their wives and relate to them on a stronger level.

Women just open up.

Beneath the Surface with: 2012 Presidential Eelection

It's been a maddening game of  hot potato for Republican Presidential candidates lately.

We have seen the rise and fall of Rick Perry; the implosion of Herman Cain's campaign due to sexual harrassment claims that are over a decade old; and we're seeing Newt Gingrich, who has more political baggage than anyone on the planet, taking the forefront.

Yup the Republican party is in a state of flux and doesn't have a clear front runner at the moment.

With all this scandal, and candidates stumbling to remember things, you would think that Mitt Romney could put this to bed pretty quickly.

But for whatever reason, he can't. It says a lot that Gingrich is seeing a rise in the polls. People are getting off the Cain train and seeking what they perceive the next viable candidate.

You would think that would be Romney - but alas the thought of Gingrich seems more appealing to the voters.

Perry seems to have been a flash in the pan; forgotten way before the infamous CNBC debate earlier this month.

The other candidates are just there and really haven't gained any solid traction (here's looking at you Michelle Bachmann).

Whatever the case - President's Obama's claims that he's the underdog in this election seem far-fetched.

I really don't think he has anything to fear from this crop of Republican candidates. But only time will tell.

Beneath the Surface with: Love & Hip Hop

The women of VH1's Love & Hip Hop

A couple of weeks ago during a trip to my mother-in-law's home, I was exposed to VH1's Love & Hip Hop - a reality television show that revolves around several rappers significant others.

Despite fisticuffs and enough bad language to make a sailor blush, the show managed to pique my interest. Instead of looking at it as another Housewives show, I saw it as a peak behind the curtain of a multi-million dollar industry that is losing the prominence it once held back in the 90s.

What I found so interesting was the stark reality and scrutiny that the women of the show face - on a regular basis. When the rappers on the show did something scandalous that hit the tabloids, you could immediately see how it impacted their families.

In a sense you got the idea that some of the females on the show were walking on the edge, just waiting for the nearest scandal or story to break.

An example of this was during the first episode of Season two, when Chrissy Lampkin, the fiance of Jim Jones, was bracing herself after she received a call informing her about a controversial piece in World Star Hip Hop.Com.

Chrissy's voice was a bit shaky as she was wondering what Jim had done now. It was a powerful piece of drama. Imagine being engaged to someone who is part of an industry that largely promotes everything except monogamy.

You dread each phone call. You clutch your chest each time you're online and see something about your significant other. This show - if you can get past the fisticuffs and cattiness - is really an intimate look at the price of fame.