Marriage isn't for the weak of heart pt.2

A few years back, I met a couple that had been married for nearly 60 years. At the time, I was too young and ignorant to truly appreciate this couple and the advice that they offered.

It wasn't until I became married about five years ago that I began to have a new awareness about this couple and the concept of marriage itself.

My first lesson was this - marriage is a constant job that never ends. There are no off days in being a husband or a wife. I just couldn't remove the gold colored circle on my left hand that felt like a huge stone sometimes and somehow revert back to being single.

During a heated argument, I couldn't just get in my car and drive to home until I cooled off (I was already home)!!!!!

I just couldn't pull out money in my account and go have a night out with the boys just on a whim (we had a joint account and a strict budget)!!!

I also learned that I couldn't always just get what I wanted.

But most importantly, I learned that there would be things that I had no control over that were going to happen in life that would forever change the complexion and nature of my relationship with my wife.

Nothing hits a marriage more than the death of a child. I want to tell you, that before my son died my wife and I could claim a sort of innocence about life. Despite any hardships we thought we might have had, we didn't hadn't seen anything until we lost our little boy.

I guess that's the biggest lesson of all. You can stay faithful, you can be honest; you can be considerate; but if you stay together long enough, there are just some things in life that are going to happen that you nor your spouse will be able to prevent.

I look back now, and I think of this couple. For 60 years they were together. Then one day the Lord called the husband home. Eight months later, his wife passed - so heartbroken because she could not be with her husband anymore.

But I tell you this, to get to where that couple that had been married 60 years got to, you have to go through something. In these days and times, we don't want to go through anything. We want to take the easy route.

We think that marriage is as simple as two people coming together and saying let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. It's not - and it's going to cost you something if you go down that path.

I'm not saying this to be negative about marriage, I'm saying (writing) it so all the single people reading it will know that this is something to be taken seriously. There's no doubt there are tons of rewards in being married. (Each reward is different depending on what God gives you, so I won't go into a huge list).

Often times people think of the rewards without even thinking about the hard work it takes to get to that point.

Marriage isn't easy - but in my opinion, it's worth it.

P.S. I'm still learning. Maybe when I get to 60 years I'll be able to have some more concrete advice!!!!

My declaration

A few days ago, I made a short declaration to one of my old friends via text message. I told him that I was taking control of my household and I was going to be more aggressive in being a husband and a father.

Why I mentioned this to this particular friend, I have no idea. I guess I just wanted to make at least one stark declaration in my lifetime.

Really, I think it was more of a wake up call to myself, that it was time to get off the roller-coaster of emotions and events that have been happening throughout the past two years and start to allow God to put things in my life that will help me prosper.

This blog, is one of those "things" that I feel God has put into my life. For years I felt as if I sat back and was quiet - always nodding my head in agreement or cracking a joke. I never openly displayed my voice or my opinions, until now.

The blog has given me a chance to get any and everything off of my mind. For those loyal followers who have tuned in can attest to the fact that I write about any and everything - typos included!!!!

But back to this declaration. I think it was a simple announcement that I'm tired of being afraid of life. I'm tired of simply waiting for some bad thing to happen.

The past two years have really shaped me and put me into the mindset that anything can happen and tomorrow is not promised, but I have also been crippled with fear and trying to play it safe because of those events.

I owe it to my wife, my daughter and my son's memory to stop living on autopilot and start taking control of my life.

Is NCLB a factor in APS cheating?

For those of you reading this outside the metro-Atlanta area, a recent report was released discussing some members of the Atlanta Public Schools' involvement in manipulating students' answers on tests. It's been front page news for the last few days in the AJC.

AJC articles citing parts of the report are saying that there was a culture of cheating in the school system - which involved more than 100 teachers and administrators.

The AJC notes that the report specifically names 178 educators, including 38 principals, as participants in cheating. The paper says investigators said they confirmed cheating in 44 of 56 schools they examined.

The cheating scandal, in my opinion, reveals a flaw in the much lauded and now seemingly forgotten No Child Left Behind Act.

NCLB, which was instituted back in 2001, requires all government-run schools receiving federal funding to administer a state-wide standardized test (all students take the same test under the same conditions) annually to all students. The students' scores are used to determine whether the school has taught the students well. If the school's results are repeatedly poor, then a series of steps are taken to improve the school.

Here's the kicker to NCLB. Each year the schools must see significant improvement, or they run the risk of losing funding or at the worst, possibly being taken over by the state.

A former South Carolina elementary school principal once told me that it was impossible to constantly make the success the act called for. Oh it was easy to score really well one year - but to keep scoring even better the next year and so on - well that's when the measure began to become a bit impossible, she told me.

I would argue that NCLB puts tremendous pressure on school systems and could lead to these test manipulation situations. Perhaps this could explain the need for educators to indulge in this alleged rampant cheating in Atlanta Public Schools. How many sleepless nights did administrators suffer when it came time for test results to come back. How many eventually broke down and took the easy way out - at the expense of the children.

You see, this is who it's all about - the children. By indulging in this alleged cheating, the Atlanta Public School system has effectively stranded its youth in a hopeless sea of disparity and false accomplishments. When these students reach college age, it would be interesting to track their progress - to see their performance without the aid of these alleged "rogue" educators.

I wonder how are these students fairing, or if parents will file lawsuits against the school system. I also wonder if there isn't widespread cheating going on in some other parts of the country. Atlanta can't be the only school system that has allegedly done this? Can it?