Character study on the "crew"

Caution. This next post is a bit provocative and discusses some racy topics. It's tasteful, but some of the subject matter might be inappropriate for young readers.

As a journalist, sometimes you get chances to step back and see how people think, and how things work.

Back in 2002, while I was in an unnamed electronics store, I met an interesting group of young women, that I shall call the "crew", that had an interesting take and opinion on life. The young women were single, and not in serious relationships. Some might call them gold diggers, others might call them predators, getting what they could from all of the guys in the local area.

These young women let me in their small circle and for the better part of a year, I had a chance to see their lifestyle firsthand. Here are some of my observances. A lot of this is done from memory.

I called her the Ring Leader. Every time I saw her I called her that and every time she heard it she cracked a devious smile. It was a devious smile that let me knew she was asserting her authority. The Ring Leader always knew where the parties were and could get her girls to surround her in five minutes flat.

The Ring Leader bounced around from man to man, but had what she called a steady patron. This patron provided the cash flow and a vehicle. He was the hook that the Ring Leader used to improve herself, so that she could nab bigger fish. If it was a new outfit, the patron purchased it; if it was a surgery she needed to enhance herself; the patron paid for it. Everything was a means to an end, and the end goal in mind was partying.

Often times the Ring leader rolled with the Lieutenant. The Lt. was a young woman in her 20s who had a child. She was the looker in the group. The person that the Ring Leader needed as a draw for the guys to come in. Initially the Lt. was weary of me, not wanting to share details around me, because I could be a potential mark (gullible fan). But after it was established I had no interest she opened up a bit more.

What was fascinating was the discussion between these two. They often "dated" the same men and provided specific details and attributes about the men. Nothing vulgar, but more-so about the amount of money the men made, the kinds of cars they drove; and if they had children.

Men were thought of as chattel or commodities. Relationships were an afterthought - they were more like a business deal, or a transaction. The crew would host huge parties in hotels that were rumored to be provocative. These parties would often be massive fundraising events where men were charged a great deal for the entertainment they received.

I remember at one point pulling one of the crew to the side and asking her what her goals were? What did she want out of life? The answer to that was a flash of a smile and terse look. "I just want to have fun."

I never found out what became of these young women. Once I left that place I fell out of touch. I can tell you this, I learned a lot of lessons and got some insight on how "gold diggers" thought. I found that these young women lived a life style full of fast times and pain. Miscarriages, abortions, drugs, abusive relationships; struggles with sexuality. There lives resembled a Tyler Perry movie without the proverbial happy ending.

It wasn't hard to be mystified by these stories. I guess now being the father of a little girl, they provide a cautionary tale for me as a parent. These women were missing something. They were longing for something, and that longing translated into some pretty obscene behavior.

Past Hurts

A few days ago, I had a conversation with my mother about a painful event in my life that I had long forgotten. Years ago, when I was an infant, one of my family members, decided that they wanted my complexion to remain light.

To do this, the family member in question, put a pamper filled with my urine over my face. The old wives' tale was that this could "make" someone retain their light skinned complexion. (In the African American community, there has long been controversy regarding skin tone.)

When my mother told me about this, I instantly remembered a long forgotten past hurt. My family preferred light skinned family members over dark skinned members. Unfortunately for me, I fell in the category where I was dark skinned. This past hurt, this unresolved conflict, that had lay dormant in the back of my mind was now brought to the forefront.

Past hurts are notoriously difficult to handle. For me, in this case, it would be hard to resolve the hurt with this family member, because this person has been dead for nearly 10 years now. But in the meantime, what do I do?

For me, the process of healing must begin, because it makes no sense to hold onto this painful event. The answer is to move forward with my life and be healed through my relationship with my personal savior, Jesus Christ.

This isn't something that I can do on my own. Because in my own flesh, there is a tendency to remember the pain, and grow angry and bitter from it.

How many of us are holding on to things, I wonder. How many of us are suffering from past hurts? How many people have hurt us that are no longer around? It's time for me to let go and let God.

Woman thou art longwinded!!!!

This is one sided I know, but it needs to be said...

Back in college I had the distinct pleasure of receiving a phone call from a young woman every other day at 7 p.m. She would talk to me for nearly an hour while I played my Sega Dreamcast. (Another obscure video game reference).

In the course of that time she proceeded to tell me all of her issues with her boyfriend, and why he was such a creep.

She would tell me these elaborate stories of how she was convinced he cheated on her.
Our conversation reached a fever pitch when I finally told her to stop calling.

I did so because I was emotionally fatigued, and that's a serious problem that women in and out of relationships need to recognize. You all are emotionally draining your men.

Look, as men we can only take so much. We can only process so much at one time, and often women have the tendency to do a full fledge data dump on us and expect us to get it all.

Truth be told, we're already thinking about several things ourselves. We're juggling the family budget; how to pay for the family vacation; what improvements we can make at work; not mention Sports. I find that Sports provides the ultimate distraction for men to focus on one thing and be at peace (you women reading this better catch this one).

One time during a trip on the train, a woman was telling a man her life story. You could tell by the look on his eye that he didn't really want to hear too much of her personal story. But she poured it on continuously - making comments about work - a place the two just left.

The last thing a man wants to think about is a recap of his work day when he gets off work. Men seem to look ahead rather than back.

I wonder how many relationships would be saved if women did not expect their men to be an emotional dumping ground. They wonder why we just have a glazed look on our faces when they give us all this information.

We don't have time to process and dissect things. We can't file the unnecessary parts in a cabinet and extract the most important points. We don't think that way. Just get to the point already.

Here's a rule of thumb for any female reading this. When you have another deep conversation, ask your significant other to paraphrase what you said. If he stumbles and repeats some of it, don't get upset with him. You've had all day to practice and rehearse this epic speech, and go down the list of all the wrong doing that has occurred to you in the past few hours. You're ready and primed to have a long discussion about the social ills that have befallen you, and how your coworkers have launched an insidious plot to get you fired. All your man wanted to do was come home to a peaceful place and perhaps have a good meal, or at least a sandwhich. Is that too much to ask for?

Remember ladies, you've had all day to practice this, while we... well we've only had about five minutes to take in the last eight to 12 hours of your life.