Hey... you're not Madea. You're actually abusing your child!

     Madea is a fictional character created and portrayed by Tyler Perry in numerous films; television sitcoms and plays.  She's a stern matriarch that commands respect and is not afraid to dole out some tough love or a butt kicking, or a headlock to any disobedient children (or adults for that matter).She has a soft side (which is tough to find) and often imparts knowledge and shows a strong commitment to her family.

     Unfortunately, there are too many moms out there (not all, but some), who are emulating the "tough" aspect of the ficitional Madea's personality, and it comes off as verbal and emotional abuse. We have moms that are cursing their kids out to the point of insanity. When is it ever OK to call your child out of their name?

     I'll never forget the time I heard a woman cursing out her 6-year-old daughter on the train. She called this little girl the B-word. How can there be any hope for any young man to respect this girl, or this girl to be in any healthy relationship when she reaches adulthood, when she can't even get the tenderness and love from the woman who gave birth to her?

    I can remember seeing a woman dog her elementary school age child out in public - and belittle him like he had committed the worst crime in the world - but when she spoke to a guy that was trying to "holla" at her nearly seconds later, she grinned from ear to ear like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. I wonder if she stopped to think about how her son felt when saw a man his mother just met, getting more respect than from her than her own flesh and blood.

    To the moms out there that do this ... you cannot verbally and emotionally abuse your children like this. If you want productive, emotionally stable adults to go out here and make a difference, then check your frustrations at the door when it comes to the treatment of these children. How can we hope to raise the future leaders of this nation, when you are tearing down their foundation before it is even solidified. 

     And this is prevalent in some parts of the black community, and we don't talk about it. Instead we brush it to the side. We ignore it and just chalk it up to saying that mom has had a bad day. We never get to the root of the issue and it boils and festers inside us until we reach adulthood.

     I know children can be frustrating and they can take you through a lot. I know there are times when you want to throw your hands and give up, especially if you're doing it on your own. One small mistake from a child, like spilled punch on the floor, or a disciplinary report from the teacher can bring a parent one step closer to a meltdown. But in the midst of whatever order and chaos comes from this we must not forget that we are these children's protectors. We must never treat them like they are our enemies. They're facing enough in this world already.

   

Democrats and Republicans way off the mark with Food Stamp debate

So, earlier this week, (or last week depending when you're reading this), the House (with a Republican majority) voted to cut $4 billion a year from the Food Stamp program, which is used by more than one in  seven Americans.

CBS news is reporting that the "bill will likely never see the light of day in the Democratic-led Senate, but even if it somehow made it through the Senate, President Obama has promised to veto the legislation."

Once again Republicans and Democrats play partisan politics instead of coming up with real world solutions and applications to tackle yet another growing problem in this country.

See the problem that no one wants to address, is that this program has a cycle of dependency for many (not all) of the Food Stamp recipients. It has become a culture or a way of thinking onto itself. You have generations upon generations of families, who are using what was once established to be a temporary solution, to be a permanent means of life and survival.

I want you all to view this video below and give me your thoughts on it. It happened in Clayton County, just south of Atlanta a few years back. Take a look at the comments made in the video and the backlash a small disruption in Food Stamp services caused.



Do you hear the anger and the frustration in this video? Or perhaps you're watching this and you have some anger and frustration that you want to express too? I mean who is there to help give you the support that you need when you're running short on your money? Who is there to help you fill in the gaps or give you money when it's needed to cover your child's bills or handle your responsibilities?

Probably no one, because you have been told that you need to be a responsible adult. But if you are getting upset, I would suggest that you're as misguided as the Democrats and Republicans, who are only looking at this from one perspective... their own.

What has to happen, in my opinion, is that we have to change the perception of people who receiving these Food Stamps.  Getting on this program should be a last resort. This should be a measure used only if you've lost your job or fall on hard times... but they should only be a temporary measure. A TEMPORARY MEASURE!!!!!

We've got to get into people's minds that this isn't something that's needed or that you're born into. Government has to step in and take the responsibility to educate and leverage people from this program which has become toxic to our economy. Because what has happened, is that with the economy hurting so badly, it can no longer support the past obligations it had.

 We need a change and we need it badly.

Daitng women who have children with different fathers

     Back when I was in my early teens, I was looking out of the front window of my parent's home, when I heard a woman in her late teens arguing with the father of one of her children (I refuse to say the dreaded BD phrase). Apparently this guy (who was a teen himself) was jealous about the attention she was getting from another father of her children.

    "Don't worry about what they're doing for theirs, you worry about what you're doing for yours," she told him.
   
     I always kept that story in my heart, and I never forgot that phrase. And it adds so much to what I'm about to say, which will probably get a lot of young people angry with me - but men we need to be especially careful dating and getting into relationships with these young women with children with multiple fathers.

    Simply put, we as men, more often than not we don't show the capacity or tenacity to give a woman with multiple children, that we didn't father; the love that she needs to hold that family together. Now before people decry that I'm way off base, I want to say that I'm not attacking the blended family. I'm not attacking the man who is ready to make that sacrifice and go on that long journey with the woman, who will openly embrace this woman's children. Again, I'm not attacking the blended family.

     But I am attacking the young man who is sleeping with these women, who has no intentions of taking hold and leading a family or has no idea that having a relationship with a woman that has children from multiple men is difficult. When these young men do this, when they sleep with these women, when they don't look at the high stakes surrounding the relationship that they are in with these women, then chaos ensues. These men become vilified and become one more disappointment in these women's lives and the children are left even more confused about what a strong father figure looks like.
 
     Why does this happen? Why is this such an issue? Because - and (all the men that are reading this) let's be real - we don't understand these women's story. We don't understand the difficulty of raising a child and being the one that is there for the long haul. We don't have a permanent reminder of the previous failed relationship. And to if we as men are brutally honest with ourselves... we just don't take the time to care. 

    I'm always reminded of a case that occurred on Judge Joe Brown a few years back, where a young woman (who had children) was upset because a man she wasn't married to or did not have children with, wanted to take back a car they purchased that was in her possession (see below).



 This woman is upset, and while it would be so easy to attack her and come down on her attitude. We have to understand where this woman is coming from. It's high stakes for her. She's concerned about her children.

  Her journey is her own, and this man isn't in it anymore. And Judge Joe Brown even brings up a strong point. He tells her that the kids weren't his and that they weren't married. He doesn't have any obligations.

    Men - we don't have the same obligations that these women do with the children. Unless we want to make that sacrifice and take up that obligation and be there for the long haul... then we have no business trying to maintain a romantic interest with these women.

Don Lemon was and still is right

     A few months ago CNN's Don Lemon made some controversial comments regarding race, in which he
 challenged African Americans to deal with some of the negative aspects of black culture. Lemon, who is an African American himself, was highly criticized for what he told viewers - but the fact remains is that he has a valid point and he is correct. You can see the video here.

 

 My take on it is this, as blacks we cannot address a flawed system, without first addressing the internal conflict within our own community and culture.It makes no sense for us to be fighting for rights publicly, when we're crumbling internally. It always baffles me about how many of these so-called bloggers try and fight for social injustice, but never even talk about the internal issues that blacks face. It's time to stop playing the blame game. It's time to look in the mirror and do an honest assessment. It's time to take ownership.

 Lemon points out that it all comes down to the disintegration of the black family (Although to be fair, he piggy backs off of Bill O'Reilly).

     Look at the statistics. More than 70% of black children are born out of wedlock. I want to say this - being a parent of a young daughter- both my wife and I realize the tremendous difficulty and the sheer amount of stress and strain it takes to raise a child. Even with two, it's hard!! If you don't have a strong support system, then it's going to be very difficult to give that child the love and attention it needs.

    Instead, what sometimes happens is - and I see this everyday when I'm on the train - you have a young mom who is physically tired and emotionally drained to the point where she has become frustrated with the child. She is a single parent, and there isn't a man in sight. The simplest offense that child commits can turn into a tongue lashing that often times crosses into verbal abuse.

    I'll never forget when I was riding the train and a young mom kicked over her baby's stroller with the baby in it... simply because she was tired of the baby crying.

     And what of the black males? According to statistics presented on the NAACP website, if current trends continue, one in three black males born today can expect to spend time in prison during his lifetime. Wow. What kind of future can a young black male hope to have with these statistics. Why do we turn to crime instead of trying to get an education and become a strong force within this system?

    I grew up in a small community. And I can tell you, looking at the young men in my neighborhood...that these statistics are true. A young man that I recently grew up with was murdered for a drug deal gone wrong. He was living that "life" as some might call it. He was in his early 30s.


     Look, I can go on at length about this, and I'm barely scratching the surface. But in terms of race relations, we are at a code red when it comes down some of the internal issues we face. I think before we can adequately have rational discussions about race relations, when need to clean up and fix our internal issues.