Are men really lazy in relationships?

Men are lazy.

That seems to be the crux of the argument that the opposite sex has against many men these days. But is it an entirely fair assumption?

My answer is going to be no. It isn’t. See the problem is that we are in an age where women are more independent now and they are often achieving more than many of their male counterparts.

The problem is, women who are in this position still hold fast to, or at least subscribe to the notion that their significant other should be able to obtain just as much, if not more than she has.

In other words, these men are being judged by standards far higher than what they have personally achieved. The chance to organically grow into these goals as a couple has been tremendously diminished because women are doing more with their opportunities to achieve success. Men for whatever reason are falling behind.

Here is the sad reality, men are often in a position of playing catch up, and that’s hurting relationships.  

Cain suspends Presidential Campaign

Amid supporters at his newly opened headquarters in Metro Atlanta, presidential candidate Herman Cain announced that he was suspending his presidential campaign.

Cain with his wife behind him said he wasn't the typical candidate - citing he never held public office, nor did he have a high profile name. He noted that with the success of his campaign he was in the Final Four to become President.

"I'm proof that a common man can lead this nation," he said.

Cain, who's campaign has taken a sharp hit due to sexual harassment allegations denounced all allegations and said that he was at peace with his God; and with his family about his decision.

Is it over for Herman Cain?

Herman Cain is doing an admirable thing by talking to his wife before he decides to make a decision on whether to continue with his presidential campaign.

But I have to ask myself, just a mere 24 hours away from his announcement - is this it for the Cain Train.

Cain has come out publicly and said the negative publicity has hindered some fund raising efforts, but it doesn't seem to have completely derailed the Cain Train.

Look, I won't go over the allegations - they have been well documented in the press, what I will say is this. Cain seems to have spent the majority of his time fighting these allegations than actually tackling the issues and his campaign.

Is it even worth it at this point? Is he completely distracted from doing what it takes to secure the Republican nomination? Is it over for Cain?

Strong marriage is reward for keeping God 1st.

Marriage is a special sacred bond between a husband and wife that cannot be easily broken.

That's what we tell ourselves often, but the fact of the matter is that there is an alarming divorce rate in this country and some people are just fed up with their spouse's actions.

I'm not going to sit up here and say that I have all this worked out, because the truth of the matter is I don't. I have been married for five years and it has been quite a challenge.

We have dealt with the death of loved ones, including our child, and have found out that two becoming one is a lot easier said than done.

Marriage is indeed difficult, as I have stated on this blog many times before. You have to ask yourself sometimes is this what God is telling me to do, and how can I add value to this other person and honor God.

I have said this time and time again, and I will stand by it until the day that I die. A marriage that doesn't have God at the center of it, will flounder. You have to have the love of Christ in your heart to be married.

How else are you going to be able to forgive your spouse once they do something wrong? How else are you going to cement the cracks that could form past disappointments?

Keep God first and a strong marriage will be your great reward.

Beneath the Surface with: 2012 Presidential Eelection

It's been a maddening game of  hot potato for Republican Presidential candidates lately.

We have seen the rise and fall of Rick Perry; the implosion of Herman Cain's campaign due to sexual harrassment claims that are over a decade old; and we're seeing Newt Gingrich, who has more political baggage than anyone on the planet, taking the forefront.

Yup the Republican party is in a state of flux and doesn't have a clear front runner at the moment.

With all this scandal, and candidates stumbling to remember things, you would think that Mitt Romney could put this to bed pretty quickly.

But for whatever reason, he can't. It says a lot that Gingrich is seeing a rise in the polls. People are getting off the Cain train and seeking what they perceive the next viable candidate.

You would think that would be Romney - but alas the thought of Gingrich seems more appealing to the voters.

Perry seems to have been a flash in the pan; forgotten way before the infamous CNBC debate earlier this month.

The other candidates are just there and really haven't gained any solid traction (here's looking at you Michelle Bachmann).

Whatever the case - President's Obama's claims that he's the underdog in this election seem far-fetched.

I really don't think he has anything to fear from this crop of Republican candidates. But only time will tell.

Beneath the Surface with: Love & Hip Hop

The women of VH1's Love & Hip Hop

A couple of weeks ago during a trip to my mother-in-law's home, I was exposed to VH1's Love & Hip Hop - a reality television show that revolves around several rappers significant others.

Despite fisticuffs and enough bad language to make a sailor blush, the show managed to pique my interest. Instead of looking at it as another Housewives show, I saw it as a peak behind the curtain of a multi-million dollar industry that is losing the prominence it once held back in the 90s.

What I found so interesting was the stark reality and scrutiny that the women of the show face - on a regular basis. When the rappers on the show did something scandalous that hit the tabloids, you could immediately see how it impacted their families.

In a sense you got the idea that some of the females on the show were walking on the edge, just waiting for the nearest scandal or story to break.

An example of this was during the first episode of Season two, when Chrissy Lampkin, the fiance of Jim Jones, was bracing herself after she received a call informing her about a controversial piece in World Star Hip Hop.Com.

Chrissy's voice was a bit shaky as she was wondering what Jim had done now. It was a powerful piece of drama. Imagine being engaged to someone who is part of an industry that largely promotes everything except monogamy.

You dread each phone call. You clutch your chest each time you're online and see something about your significant other. This show - if you can get past the fisticuffs and cattiness - is really an intimate look at the price of fame.

Reality of a Sleep Deprived Dad

After a long hard day at the office, there's nothing better that I would like to come home to than a hot meal to be shared around the dinner table with my family and a nice nightcap with my wife.

Unfortunately that doesn't happen.

What does happen is, I usually have dinner with me when I'm at work - it takes so long to get to the apartment complex, that my former personal trainer would skin me alive if I was to even take a bite of food when I reached home. 

My daughter Grace is usually hitting REM sleep. My wife is less than energized after a day of diaper changes; wardrobe changes; washing clothes; preparing meals; grocery shopping; and cooking.

When I get home I have dishes to wash, the dog to take out; and milk bottles to wash.

In fact it can lead to some pretty intense situations around the house, because frustrations can run at an all time high.

But you have to make time for yourself. You have to cut away and enjoy the few hours of time during the day that are truly yours. If you're not great on time management, having a baby will put you on the right path.

Why I do...What I do

A lot of times I catch a lot of flack for writing from a male's perspective and addressing some of the needs men want in their relationships with women.

Often times some of the female readers of this blog will tell me that I don't realize what men put women through. They say this so much to the point that they really don't get the message.  They really aren't listening to a thing I'm saying - and I bet they aren't listening to what their significant others are saying either.

See sometimes men are cautious about addressing some concerns, for fear of the potential firestorm that it might ignite. If they speak on a certain subject, then a weekend of planned bliss might turn into a two days of unbearable torture.

So, I use this blog to sometimes discuss some of the issues I have dealt with; or issues that I have observed others dealing with. It creates a safe neutral ground for discussion. At the end of the day all we want is peace and love in our households.

Support his Passion

This past weekend I watched VH1's Love and Hip Hop for the first time. While most of it was a train wreck of smack talking and fisticuffs - the one thing that really left an impression on me was Chrissy Lampkin, the fiancee of rapper Jim Jones.

Chrissy Lampkin and Jim Jones

One scene in particular, was when she attended one of Jim's shows, and how she was happy to be able to attend. When I saw this scene, a light bulb went off in my head.

Chrissy dressed up and came out to support her man. Dolled up in uncomfortable high heel shoes, she rode with a friend to one of Jim's concerts. There were no complaints, and when she saw him on stage she was electrified.

How amazing and simple is that? I think Chrissy actually gets it - rest of her antics on the show nonwithstanding - but in order to be that supportive partner you have to really take an interest in what your significant other is doing. Don't complain about it. Don't brow beat his efforts. Just take an interest in what he's doing.

How many women out there today are actually showing the support that Chrissy Lampkin did for Jim Jones during one of his concerts? How many women are attending work functions or give support to their significant others?

Now not everyone can have a passion that is as (interesting) as Jim's, but women should still cherish what their men do. It would go a long way to helping the relationship flourish.

Response to the Missing K

I recently read a blog over at The Missing K titled - There Be [censored] in these Woods. You can access it here.

The entry spoke of a young woman and how she had been backstabbed by women in the past, who she thought were her friends. She weaved a tale of jealousy and anger throughout the blog instilling just a dose of healthy paranoia.

After reading the entry, my main question was this, do women really feel like some other women are out to get them? Or is this just a tale of someone who has been hurt by bad relationships in her life?

I don't personally know the writer of the Missing K, so I really don't know the answer to that one. I do know that some women - not all women - are out to get other women.

At a past job, I watched a woman who was quite heavyset harrass and make life a living hell for some of the younger more attractive female employees. If one of the females would start talking to another male employee she would barge in and totally take over the conversation. She would often argue and berate the smaller employees for their size, so I can kind of see where the author of The Missing K is coming from.

But here's the ultimate question, how do women get past that. How do some women move past the cattiness and petty jealousy that surrounds them in their lives? Raising a daughter, I'm going to have to figure out that answer. While the author of The Missing K has stated her alternative - I want to go a different route for my daughter - Peace.

Let Sleeping Graces lie

My new schedule is quite ambitious. At six months Grace is now sleeping at 8 p.m. and waking up at 7 a.m.

So you would think my sleep deprivation would be over, right?  Not quite. Now I'm going to bed around 8:30 p.m. and waking up at 3:30 a.m.

When I told co-workers of this new schedule they immediately called me a lunatic. But in order to get things done and have osme time to myself, I have found that getting up for this early schedule actually works.

I'm able to have Bible Study, prepare for my day, workout; take out the dog and maybe even get some gametime in all before 7 a.m.  Now that's a tight schedule. If only I wasn't so sleepy all the time.

The 5th accuser speaks

Adorning spiked shoulder pads - Centino Kemp, the 5th accuser in the Bishop Eddie Long Sexual misconduct case - weaved a compelling story of intrigue and mystery, during an interview with Fox 5's Dale Russell recently.

Kemp reveals an alter ego called Wildchild - a presence that helped him get out of a bad situation and a suicide attempt. He also mentioned an upcoming book called First Lady - which is a tale of Kemp's life being involved with a well known African American Bishop.

The interview doesn't really talk about the alleged relationship with Bishop Long, but rather it addresses the state of mind with Kemp. (We also learned that Kemp received $94,000 from his part of the settlement after lawyers fees were deducted).

I f anything it brings up more questions, as this whole debacle still continues to have steam, even after the settlement. How did Bishop Long meet this young man? Is any of this really true? And when will these stories stop?

We can only pray that this sad state of affairs fades away quickly and that God steps in and heals those who have been hurt by these awful confluence of events.

Enter: Gloria Cain

According to the AJC's most recent edition to the political insider, we might just get our first glimpse tonight of a reaction from Gloria Cain, presidential hopeful Herman Cain's wife, on the sexual harassment scandal that has rocked his campaign.

Gloria Cain has remained a mystery in all this - in the shadows and visibly absent from Cain on the campaign trail even before the harassment allegations came to the forefront. A recent article in the AJC delved deeply into Gloria and her voting record. It tried to paint some picture of Gloria Cain, but perhaps nothing will be more telling than the interview with Greta Van Susteren on Fox news set for Monday at 10 p.m.

Here's a quote lifted from the AJC's story previewing the interview with Gloria discussing the sexual harrassment allegations:

“[Y]ou hear the graphic allegations and we know that would have been something that’s totally disrespectful of her as a woman. And I know the type of person he is. He totally respects women.”

Time will tell if this is able to keep the Cain train moving forward. But more than anything it could shed some light on the enigma that's Gloria Cain.

Stop Snitching takes on a new level in Penn State Scandal

After hearing about the Penn State University Scandal/Cover up, I  immediately felt like something was missing from the story.

After reading a timeline of events published in an article from The New York Times, I didn't realize how much wasn't being reported. This cover-up has roots that are a decade old, and includes remorseful coaches; and a missing district attorney.

The plot is so thick here, and rife with enough twists and turns that it would nigh be impossible to keep up with them all.

This just doesn't stop with Joe Paterno. No - the only reason he's making headlines is because he's the most visible - most well known participant in this alleged coverup. But there are so many others - janitors who walked in on Jerry Sandusky allegedly committing lewd acts on young boys.

To top it all off, this just didn't start a few months ago - or even a few years ago. This alleged abuse has been going on since 1998 according to The New York Times article mentioned above.

What's even more telling, is that  in 1998, then Centre County district attorney Ray Gricar ultimately says no charges will be filed against Sandusky.  In 2005 disappears after a trip to Lewisburg, Pa. His car is later found parked in a lot and his computer and hard drive are found in the Susquehanna River. The twice-divorced Gricar, 59, is never seen or heard from again. In 2005 Lara Gricar, his adopted daughter, successfully files petition to have her father declared deceased.

Unbelievable. I have a feeling, that before this is over, this tale will become even more salacious.  

You're not cool anymore

After reading a Rolling Stone interview with comedian Eddie Murphy, who is now 50, I immediately felt like I was out of touch.

I think the thing that's hitting me most, is that all these cultural changes have happened in the last few years, and I've just kind of stopped trying to play catch up. Seriously. Now, when I take the time to look and see the changes, I'm so far behind...

Like the other day, I went looking for a pair of jeans. My style has always been a relaxed fit. A little baggy, but not so much that they would fall off my behind if I took two steps.

I immediately talked to the clerk in hopes that she could point me in the right direction. She told me that the style was getting away from that. Men now like to wear skinny jeans. 

I'm sorry I'm already a slim dude - NO way am I ever going to wear or put on some skinny jeans.

But that's my point. When did the world suddenly turn upside down. When did such cultural icons in my youth like Eddie Murphy become a thing of the past? When did rappers like Niki Minaj come to the forefront of the hip hop charts?

I don't have any answers. Maybe it's because I outgrew a lot of those things. Maybe it happened when I stopped going to Target every Tuesday to pick up the latest releases. Maybe it happened when I stopped going to the movies every Friday to catch the latest flick.

Maybe it happened when my priorities switched and the most important things in my life were being a good husband and father. Or maybe, I just grew up.

What do Women Want?

A few days ago I asked a few female acquaintances the question - "What do Women Want."

I did this because I've noticed a lot of frustration in relationships - especially with many women feeling men aren't pulling their weight in the household. The conflict comes in because many men feel as if they are pulling their weight and don't understand why women get upset with them. Which often leads to this:

So now you have the set up. The responses were a bit all over the place - but I was able to boil them down in just a couple of sentences.

Women want to be understood and loved on an emotional level, no matter what they’re going through or what phase of life they’re in.

The friction comes when her mate no longer understands her and that translates into her not feeling loved. Unfortunately, there isn’t a list that she can provide for him nor is there some universal answer that applies to all women.

Raising Cain

Yet another woman has come forward alleging that Republican presidential hopeful  Herman Cain has sexually harassed her in the past.

Sharon Bialek spoke during a press conference earlier today and gave intimate details regarding Cain's alleged sexual misconduct .

The following quote is lifted from an AP account of the press conference - detailing what happened after the two finished dinner and were headed back to Cain's office.

"Instead of going into the offices he suddenly reached over and he put his hand on my leg, under my skirt toward my genitals," Bialek said. "He also pushed my head toward his crotch," she added.


This does not bode well for the Cain campaign. No other accuser has given such intimate detail, and it looks as if this is the story that just won't die.

The Cain campaign needs to do something other than ignore these accusations and call this as an attack from the left.  If there was truly misconduct, then Cain needs to admit to wrongdoing and move on. His supporters deserve the truth.

Griffin vs. Whitewater Column

After reading a column in the Griffin Daily News discussing a match-up between the Griffin Bears and Whitewater, I just had to write something.

The writer of the column frames the article with the image of Rocky Balboa against Apollo Creed. But in doing so he inadvertently points out [what he perceives] the socioeconomic differences between Griffin and Fayette. The result is it has parents and students from both teams upset and in an uproar.

The following line can perhaps shed some light on why both teams are so angry:

For many of the Griffin players, it’s their only out. They quench their thirst with blood, sweat, tears and water. Griffin works out hard for fear of losing the only thing it has. For Whitewater players, football isn’t an out — it’s a social supplement to their education, offseason lifting sessions at the spa in designer clothes with their trainer topped off with a fresh iced latte.

See here's the thing, the article is pretty much evoking negative strereotypes. I don't see it as racial by any means, but it does sound offensive in that it pigeon holes both teams into perceived socioeconomic groups.

For Griffin, the article states that football is the only thing these Griffin students have. For WhiteWater students, it says that football is only a supplement to their education and makes mention of them wearing designer clothes and drinking fresh iced lattes.

The problem is, is that the article attacks the teens it tries to praise. Young men who all are playing their hearts out and are passionate about their sport.

Sadly, from what I've heard this is site has tons of responses and has had more than 6,000 views. The good thing that comes out of this is that it has people talking, and perhaps in the future, the Griffin Daily News can be more sensitive in its approach to put together a compelling column.

I need help

Lately, I've been going through some very tough issues in my personal life. For those of you that know me personally, you've probably noticed a change in my countenance.

My face is now scraggly with a beard that refuses to grow completely in.

I've lost weight - the tiny bit of muscle mass that I developed at one point is all but gone.

I have not been to church consistently since August. Mentally, I'm a wreck, and spiritually I'm as thirsty as a straggling soul in the Sahara dessert.

How can I look my daughter or wife in the face with all this spiritual turmoil.

The following lyrics to Kanye West's song Amazing explain how I feel right now.

I'm a monster, I'm a killer
I know I'm wrong, yeah
I'm a problem that'll never ever be solved ...

Pray for me y'all.

House of Cain

Hermain Cain continues to dominate the political headlines.

Stories of his wife's absence in his campaign - and now the National Restaurant Association confirmed Friday that it paid to settle a 1999 sexual harassment claim against Cain.

In my mind, Cain has to turn this thing around and turn it around pretty fast if he ever has a hope of clinching the Republican nomination. But his back pedaling and agitation towards answering these questions is hurting his credibility with the American people.

The latest polls show that he's tied for first place with Mit Romney. The question is, will this start to hurt him, or will he be able to pull away from it.

Let's hope there aren't any more surprises that Cain has hiding in his closet.

Occupy Atlanta has hefty price tag

Occupy Atlanta didn't come and go without a price.

The city is saying that Atlanta taxpayers will pick up a $451,691 tab for more than two weeks of  a dispute between the city and Occupy Atlanta protesters, with nearly three-quarters going to police overtime, according to an article published in the AJC. 

The taxpayers are probably irate.

The whole Occupy movement in my view is a bit misguided. Yes, it's sad that people are unable to find work and are unemployed, but what is the purpose of this protest?

Do protestors just want to hang out until things get better? Do they think that the banks or big businesses will cave into their requests because of their sit in?

I think something else was going on in here. Instead of a protest, it seemed to be more like a gathering of kindred spirits -  those unemployed Americans, who quite frankly wanted to make a statement. There was no clear end goal, but a sense of wanting to belong.

I think that point gets lost in the details and in a lot of the media articles that are floating about. People are hurting, and this Occupy movement - well maybe it gave some a sense of belonging to a workforce and a culture that rejected them.

It's just sad that Atlanta is picking up the price tag though.

Citizen Cain

The Herman Cain saga continues to get interesting by the hour. The Associated Press is now reporting that a third woman considered filing a workplace complaint against Cain over what she deemed aggressive and unwanted behavior when both worked together during the late 1990s, the woman told The Associated Press on Wednesday. 

The AP article states that the accuser said Cain's behavior included a private invitation to his corporate apartment.

Cain is of course denying any wrong doing, but at this point he's waffled and went back and forth so many times, that it's really hard to believe anything that he says. 

I think the real issue with Cain isn't that these alleged incidents happened years ago, but the fact that he initially denied the existence of  the complaints and now  keeps repeatedly changing his story. 

Look, everyone has skeletons in their closet and has been accused of doing something that they aren't particularly proud of. But to hide these accusations when you're questioned on them in such a public arena, in this day and age, is an invitation to court disaster. 

A little honesty would have gone a long way in securing confidence in this troubled time,  that many of Cain's supporters demonstrated during his recent surge in the polls. 

Let the Mud Slinging Begin

Sexual harassment and Herman Cain are two things that really don't seem like they belong in the same sentence, or the same blog for that matter.

 

But it seems as if  two female employees of the National Restaurant Association, which he headed back in the 90s, had indeed made some sexual harassment allegations and there was a settlement.

In an interview with Greta Van Sustren on Monday night, Cain went into detail about the complaint. Here is some of what he said below:


"She was in my office one day, and I made a gesture saying -- and I was standing close to her -- and I made a gesture saying you are the same height as my wife.  And I brought my hand up to my chin saying, 'My wife comes up to my chin.'"  At that point, Cain gestured with his flattened palm near his chin.  "And that was put in there [the complaint] as something that made her uncomfortable," Cain said, "something that was in the sexual harassment charge."

Doesn't seem like much does it. Maybe it's much to do about nothing. Anyhow Cain should be sort of happy that this came out. It shows that he's a serious threat and a candidate not to be taken lightly. Time will tell if he can overcome this.

Kim Kardashian getting a divorce

So Kim Kardashian is apparently filing for divorce from Kris Humphries after about 72 days of marriage. 

There are so many jokes that I could insert here, but I won't. You see it's pretty sad when the institution of marriage is treated like a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend. I don't know all the details about Kim's marriage, but it seems to me like the two weren't taking it seriously.

Marriage is an institution between a man and his wife that's suppose to form a bond that lasts forever. It's not something that's put away with convenience - just because there is an argument.

You have to work through these things. It takes time and it takes a lot of effort and energy. So often when we get married we don't look at the work it will take to achieve or maintain such a union. I can tell you that I didn't. I thought I knew everything but in the first year of marriage, I made every mistake a rookie husband could make.

Kim, the man has barely had a chance to make mistake yet. Don't go through with this. Work things out.

Cain’s recent surge just won’t be enough

Anyone surprised at Herman Cain’s recent surge in the Republican presidential primary contest, really shouldn’t be. I don't think he's going to be able to take it all the way however. But Cain's appeal comes from the fact that he represents every conservative’s fantasy – he’s able to speak what’s really on his mind, without fear of being labeled as a racist or politically incorrect individual. He's like that stern grandfather that you grew up with, that said whatever he felt like saying and had little tolerance for whatever he perceived to be foolishness.

Just take a look at what Cain says about the Occupy Wall Street movement if you don't believe me. 

Would his opponent Mit Romney take such daring and bold chances and make these same comments? I think not. 

But despite this “recent surge” of support, Cain just isn’t going to make it to the big dance. A lack of experience in political office, coupled with an upcoming strategy overhaul from Mit Romney, is going to keep Cain from grabbing the brass ring and securing the Republican nomination.

Yes, Cain, who use to be CEO of God Father’s Pizza and a radio host at WSB 750 AM in Atlanta, is coming with common sense principles that appeal to staunch conservatives. And yes, he’s probably going to dominate in the markets where conservative talk show Neal Boortz broadcasts in (Cain use to sub in for good ole "Uncle Neal” as he called him.).

But sadly for Cain, that isn’t going to be enough. My ultimate prediction is that Cain dominates the south, but quickly loses steam afterwards.

Occupy [city inserted here]

People are angry and upset. With  the U.S. having an unemployment rate of 9.1%, there is more than enough reason for people to bring out the pitch forks and torches, lashing out at the powers that be.

The latest movement, however, is baffling. Occupy Wall Street, has throngs of people protesting the economic climate in this country as well as the Big Banks. It's very telling that people from across the country are openly protesting in this manner.

But what difference are they making in a game where the stakes are too high to fail?  Some segments of the media have all but dismissed this as a hippie like movement, filled with dissidents that don't have a strategic game plan in order.

These "liberal" flower children are much different from the conservative Tea Party movement that actually became mobilized and put their people in office.

That's what the critics are saying. This is what I'm saying. Jobs are drying up; unemployment is running out; and now the average worker isn't fighting for a raise; they're fighting to keep their jobs. We need change. Things need to get better.

How to get him out of the Strip Club

I was asked the question why men love strip clubs so much. As I was formulating my answer, I thought that it might be best to help women, who are desperately trying to get their men out of the club, understand how it could be possible to attain this goal.

First let's answer why the strip clubs snare men. Women, you need to understand that strip clubs are one of the ultimate forms of escapism for men. It plays upon the fact that men visual creatures and it stimulates us with fantasy perhaps becoming reality.

It tugs on men's strings just like a romance novel would tug on yours.

So, does this mean that you need to learn poll dancing, slim down and wear skimpy clothes to keep us at home? No. That's a farce. You're never going to be able to provide the fantasy that men can get from these places. You're only going to encourage us to go to those places more.

What you can do is this. Stop giving us a place to escape from. Turn the man's reality into a fantasy. Nowadays as men we are bogged down with being providers for our family. That leads to us making the heavy decision makers. We are tasked with always trying to make the right decisions for the family. If we fail then the results could be disastrous.  Imagine being shouldered with all that pressure on a daily basis. At some point there is going to be a breaking point.

But if we are supported and nurtured in our decision making, and we get support from our families instead of scorn - then this will deter many of us from needing that escape that the strip clubs provide. 

Mom and me

Things change. I think I was 13-years-old when I took this picture with my mother outside my aunt's house in North Carolina.

Now 20 years later, I'm all grown up, a bit taller and my mom is a grandmother. She recently came down for about three weeks to see my wife and I along with our bundle of joy Grace.

It was a surreal experience for me, because this was the first time since 1996 that I spent that much time with my mom.Where does the time go?

The one thing that I learned the most from her visit, other than I need to take care of myself and dress better, is that you never really stop being a parent.

My mom came to help me out during a tough time with Grace. And in helping out she gave me some of that sage wisdom she is known for.

"One of the best jobs you'll ever have is being a parent."

Looking at my daughter Grace, and remembering the short time I had with Benjamin - I have to admit...she's right.

Thanks mom.

On the final episode of  Joss Whedon's television series Angel, the protagonist and his team find themselves going up against insurmountable odds as apocalypse has been unleashed on earth.

Standing in an alley way soaking wet and half beaten, with some of their numbers depleted - as pictured above - the crew embarks on what could be their final battle against the forces of evil. The battle was spurred on by Angel's refusal to go along with the flow and do something to strike back at the forces of evil.

Isn't this just like the walk of a Christian? I mean when you think about it, as long as we're willing to go along with things as they are and not be shining lights to our community, then things are fine. But the moment we take a stand against sin, that's when all hell breaks loose and we face adversity.

So many times I've found myself in this position, and to be honest, sometimes I've just gone along not wanting to ruffle any feathers. Has anyone else done this? Have you just wanted to fit in? Or just be accepted?

I know I use to face this dilemma all the time when I was a reporter working for small newspapers. I remember one time in particular a former managing editor at the newspaper I was working for was arrested for outstanding parking tickets.

The paper got a heads up that he was going to be arrested and madly rushed over to his residence to take pictures of him being apprehended. I didn't go with them, but at the same time, I didn't express my displeasure in them doing this.

To do so, would incur the wrath of my co-workers and put me on the outside (ironically, I would eventually become an outsider anyway). I let my fear prevent me from standing up and doing what was right.

I think the key point of Christianity is that standing up for what is right isn't easy, and it's going to cost you something. I think Christ put it best in Luke 9:23 when he said: If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

The Grind

It was a hard day at work, and an even harder one at home.  

My palms were sweaty and my 4-month-old daughter wouldn't stop crying. My wife and I were in an argument over something so silly that I can't remember what it was about.

It was during that time I realized that I was stuck in the Grind.

The Grind, as defined as by The O.A.W. Report, is when you finally slow down in life, only to speed up, if that makes any sense.

It's a time when work becomes more hectic, the demands of the family grow, and personal time is virtually nonexistent. The only time there is peace, is when there is sleep, and to be honest often times or not, there isn't too much of that to be had.

The Grind is every bachelor's fear and every husband's eventual reality. You become thought of more for what you can do as opposed to being loved for who you are.

The sense of adventure seems to be gone as well. That adrenaline rush you get from a day out with the crew, is replaced by the rush that's produced to get you through the wide assortment of chores and tasks that you have to complete by the end of the day.

Your lunch break becomes a mad dash to do all the extra behind the scenes things at home that you won't be able to do once you get off. 

In a sense it's like you're on a constant deadline and failure to accomplish a task in the allotted  time equals an absence of peace in the valley. 

Relationship Rant #314

Wouldn't it be nice if relationships could be as tranquil in this photo?

Sadly, that's not the reality in many ongoing relationships these days. There are twists and turns and more intrigue than an episode of Law & Order SVU.

In conversations that I have had with single adults it seems like both parties are seeking one thing when they get into a serious relationship - and that's security. They want to know if they align themselves with this person, that everything's going to be alright.

Unfortunately there is no such thing - at least not by man's standards. Nearly any married couple you talk to will tell you that the picture-perfect relationship they have envisioned has been tarnished by - reality.


The only security that you can get from a relationship is one from God. Point blank. Sometimes Christians often put too much of their faith in the significant other and are disappointed when this person doesn't meet their standards or expectations.

In order to truly obtain that peaceful scene that was depicted above, Christians must have that strong relationship with God, so that they can weather the storms that life and some relationships bring.

Obama's Job Plan

As I type this the pundits are already busy dissecting Obama's speech and his plan to attack the unemployment rate in the U.S. I've listened to some of the criticisms that have been thrown up but not too many. I've purposely stayed away from Fox news. I can only take so much negativity at a given time.

But the plan is a daunting task, as unemployment rates in the country are now at 9.1 percent. But Obama is asking Congress to put aside their political differences and help pass a $450 billion Jobs plan.

Here are some of the details as gleamed from an Associated Press story:

• The plan would cut the Social Security payroll tax both for tens of millions of workers and for employers.

• For individuals, that tax has been shaved from 6.2 percent to 4.2 percent for this year but is to go back up again without action by Congress. Obama wants to deepen the cut to 3.1 percent for workers.

• Obama would also apply the payroll tax cut to employers, halving their taxes to 3.1 percent on their first $5 million in payroll. 

• Businesses that hire new workers or give raises to those they already employ would get an even bigger benefit:  On payroll increases up to $50 million they would pay no Social Security tax.

 I don't know if these will work, but I have to say that this country seems to be in a crisis mode as of late. People are desperately looking for jobs - good quality jobs. Earlier I spoke about the forgotten ones, those individuals who are 55 and older, who are out of work and unable to go back and be retrained to do something else.

These blue collar workers, who I think are the backbone of this country, have been left out in the lurch. It is unclear if Obama's plan can do anything to help those individuals. It's unclear if Obama's plan will work at all.

I'll admit, I'm cautious. Not because I don't have faith in Obama, or I bemoan what he's doing, but rather because the employment situation in this economic has been a perfect storm. Less people are hiring, therefore less people are buying, which is causing businesses to hire less people.

I hope our President is able to succeed. Another few years of this could spell disaster for the country.

The price of Anger

Wow, this fellow looks angry doesn't he? I wonder what ticked off this individual to the point where he would make such a face? Certainly this individual is unhinged, or maybe he's reached the point of no return in controlling his anger.

Whatever the case may be, anger is a serious emotion. It is one of the few emotions, that if people dwell in it long enough, they will be overcome by it and the consequences can be disastrous.

But before we go any further, let's define anger. According to the American Psychological Association, anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.

The APA goes into further detail about the emotion and says that it could be a good thing and give

you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems.

But the agency said that excessive anger can cause problems.

Last week, I saw two major examples of this.

The first was when I was on my way to work and a car pulled out on a pedestrian trying to cross the street. The two got into a heated verbal altercation, with the driver threatening the pedestrian to come back so they could finish this. The driver was dwelling in his anger.

The second example is a bit more personal. As I was leaving the mall with my daughter Grace, I stepped out in front of a young man walking and talking on his cellphone.

I  apologized to him, but he didn't understand what I said and thought I was saying something cross to him. He turned around looking for a confrontation - instead I repeated my apology and went on about my business. Thank God I didn't dwell in my anger - doesn't mean that I haven't before - this time I didn't.

Anger is a tricky emotion for us to deal with. Because the emotion can be of some use. I think the question now becomes, what does God have to say about the matter, specifically anger.

An excerpt from GotQuestions.org answers this best for us:

"Anger turns to sin when it is selfishly motivated (James 1:20), when God’s goal is distorted (1 Corinthians 10:31), or when anger is allowed to linger (Ephesians 4:26-27). Instead of using the energy generated by anger to attack the problem at hand, it is the person who is attacked."

Again the problem with Anger lingering comes up. But why does it linger. Let me offer my opinion. I think anger provides fuel and excitement at times. It becomes a natural boost for people in times of great stress. 

Think about how you feel when you're angry. You feel motivated, your adrenaline levels are pretty high. At times you think you can conquer the world. You get so fired up that you feel as if anyone who gets in your way is going to be demolished.But the consequences can be dire.

American author Greg Pak dealt with the price of rage and lingering in anger during his stent as writer on Marvel Comic's The Incredible Hulk.

In a storyline called World War Hulk (the cover of the first issue is pictured above), Pak demonstrated that how continued rage has a terrible price. Yes you can get angry, yes you can go into rage - but it's going to cost you something.

What's the take home message from all of this? How does this hit home? I think it has to do with our relationships, whether they're with family members, co-workers or even strangers.

Marriage is a place where anger that hasn't been dealt with properly, can change or metamorphose into something terrible. Have you ever seen a couple arguing over how a towel is hung up in the home? Have you ever been the couple that has these arguments?

Years ago, I saw a family indulge in his wholesale anger and savagely beat a woman with a 2X4.  He was angry over something she had done to him and his only mode or recourse was to beat her. Fortunately, a police officer was driving by when this happened and the family member was thrown in jail.  He let his anger get the best of him, he gave into his rage and the price was his freedom.

Dwelling in anger costs us. What's the price that some of you are willing to pay for your continued anger? Is it your job? Is it your family? Is it your freedom? Maybe it's your life.

Sewing into God's Kingdom

"A lot of people don't go to church because the church will take everything you have and when you need help, they'll tell you they don't have any money to help you. Where is the return on my investment?"

I heard this line during a trip to the barbershop this past Saturday. It's not a belief I prescribe to, but it's something that I believe Christians can't avoid in discussions with unbelievers and those that have had bad experiences with the church in this day and age.

I think what many people see are affluent pastors, laden with gold and accoutrements, luxurious church buildings and they don't see that transferring over into their own lives. There then comes a point of frustration and out of that a sense of jealousy.

It's during this time that the focus comes off God and is instead focused on the perceived shortcomings of the church and its leadership. Giving tithe has nothing to do with what you'll get back. It has everything to do about sewing a seed in God's kingdom.

If people don't trust giving tithe to the church, then perhaps they should find another church that they can support and get behind. At the end of the day, it's not going to matter what someone else did to you, but rather how you served God's kingdom.

A (Dance) Step in the Right Direction

 So Nancy Grace is going to be on the upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars.

The star prosecutor and HLN host is going to try her hand at securing that sacred trophy. Let the O.A.W. 
Report go on record and say that it is in favor of this move.

We're not going to chastise Nancy, but rather we're going to support this move.

Nancy Grace deals with some of the sickest, darkest stories regarding victims imaginable and it's about time the media saw a lighter, softer side of her.

Those who live in the Buckhead area have already seen beneath her the stern facade she exudes during the media.There have been sightings of Nancy Grace in restaurants armed with a bundle of coloring books and crayons in hand ... ready to engage her children and spend time with them at the drop of a dime.

 Kudos to her and thanks once again to all involved for this decision.

Why I do, What I do.

Because I'm a slim guy, some friends and family members have often made snide comments about me working out.

The taunts I think spring from uneducated minds, because working out isn't about losing weight, so much as it is trying to stay healthy.

My family on my mother's side is predisposed to diabetes and hypertension - the latter of which I had during my 20s before I started my workout routine.

It's important for me to try and maintain my health, by running, lifting weights and keeping busy.

Things are a lot more difficult with Grace (my daughter) around, because now everything has to be tailored around her schedule.

But that by no way means that exercising must be cut out entirely. Now, I get up 4 a.m. and sneak away to a popular running trail while Grace is sleeping. For one hour I give it my all before I come back in to relieve my wife of her duties taking care of Grace.

It's a must. In this day and age where so much of our work is done sitting down using computers, and inside an office all day long, a regular work out routine is needed.

We have to keep fit. So to all of those who have made the beanpole comments and the toothpick comments, save them. I'm trying to see my daughter grow up, and I want to enjoy as much time with her as I can.

The Equalizer

Want to know that the equalizer in an argument with your spouse is?

No, it's not this guy. Read on to find out.

"Talk to me like you talk to those folks on your job."

This one single sentence was offered as a piece of advise during one of my trips to the barbershop.

That's an "equalizer" in an argument my barber told me. It puts a halt to anyone who's disrespectful or says something that they shouldn't in a marital spat.

Because when you think about it, we often tend to talk to our coworkers with more respect than we do our spouses in a heated argument (well some of us do).

I know for me, the worst feeling in the world is to say something that I should not have during an argument with my wife. Once you say it, it stays out there forever. You can't take it back and the results can be devastating in the marriage and for your life.

But, what if - just what if, we were to take the approach to have discussions with our spouses as if it was a business meeting. We could iron out potential conflicts that would arise from disrespectful words and name calling.

I think the phrase needs repeating:

"Talk to me like you talk to those folks on your job."

The forgotten ones

You're 55-years-old. You've worked at a factory since your 20s. You just find out that you're going to lose your job because it's cheaper for the plant to manufacture it's products overseas.

What do you do?

People throughout the U.S. are living through this scenario everyday. I call them the forgotten ones, or the ones that fall through the cracks whenever lawmakers try to attack the job problem.

The issue here, is that you have a class of blue collar worker, who's not quite ready to retire, that has limited marketability. What job can this person do, that will adequately support them, and that they're qualified to do?

You see these kinds of workers in small towns throughout America. They are simply at a point where it doesn't really make sense to go back and get years of training to move onto another specialty. They need employment now and they need good quality jobs that can help them pay the bills.

These forgotten ones need to be addressed when President Obama reveals his jobs package he's set to unroll in a post-Labor Day speech. After all these workers have been the backbone of our country.

What ever happened to the strong black matriarchs?

Somewhere along the line in African American culture, the strong matriarch that held the family together through thick and thin was lost.

Yes, that strong beacon of hope has disappeared in the community with many left wondering - where she went?

In the age of self gratification and in a culture where we are constantly trying to look young and sexy, that great matriarch, who worked until her elbows were swollen and callouses were so thick you could cut them with a switch blade off her feet, simply got tired of carrying the heavy load.

She no longer cooked all day Saturday, because that was the day she would get her hair and nails done plus go to the mall. Church wasn't as high a priority, because she worked all week long and she was going to have her rest day.

She no longer cooked things that were fresh out of the garden. She traded that in for fast food joints and takeout.

For years the great matriarch made sacrifices through blood sweat and tears for her children. But now she is tired and she wants a better life.

And why shouldn't she be? After all, the strong patriarch, that use to exist had long left her. Too busy or immature to stick around in the household, he left the matriarch with all the responsibility.

For years she busted her butt and had no support, with no one to lean on. Children have grown up to be unappreciative; she has had to fight tooth and nail to keep them out of trouble.

It's only fair that she sits out a couple of generations and takes a break right? I mean wouldn't you?

FBGW: Fender Bender Gone Wrong

Earlier yesterday, I was waiting at the bus stop getting ready for a long day at work. All of a sudden I heard screeching and saw an SUV rear end another vehicle.

A man of thin build emerged from the SUV. An older woman was in the car that was rear ended. The man, who was visibly upset, approached the woman and apologized.

"I"m so sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry."

What came next took everyone by surprise. The visibly distraught man then ran out in the middle of the road, flagging down nearby cars. He then ran against the flow of traffic and squatted on a nearby hill.

As he did this, a group of school children were waiting on the bus. Terrified they began running and screaming when the man dove face first into the ground at them.

From that point, I sprung into action. I carefully rounded the kids up and helped guide them down the street so they could catch the bus at an earlier point in the route.

I flagged the bus driver down and told her what was going on and the children safely got on the bus.

By the time I returned to the scene of the crime, a police officer had already subdued the visibly upset man.

Traffic was to a standstill and onlookers were shocked by what had happened.

I myself was a babbling idiot. Pumped full of adrenaline.... By the time I reached work I was already coming down and about near the point where I was comatose.

Pretty interesting morning.

Bishop Long's accusers speak out after settlement

Apparently two of Bishop Eddie Long's accusers are speaking out even after they settled with the embattled minister earlier this year.

Jamal Parris and Spencer LeGrande have come forward and a piece has been aired on Channel 2 Action News. You can see more of the story by clicking here.

What is puzzling about this is that by speaking out, Parris and LeGrande risk losing undisclosed monetary rewards outlined in the settlement, which is sealed.

It's also very telling that these two men are doing this and in the O.A.W. Report's view it quite possibly shows that they are more interested in keeping this conflict alive than settling on the money. Perhaps it is for some measure of revealing the truth; perhaps it is for therapy, or maybe it's for both reasons, that is unclear.

The O.A.W. Report has spoken briefly about the subject of Bishop Long and really hasn't ever taken it on directly ... until now.

Even though legal documents say that this is settled, clearly it isn't. When two of the accusers are willing to risk their settlement to go into detail about what Bishop Long allegedly did to them, it shows that this whole saga is going to go into a different realm.

It's clear that there is pain here, and there is more pain to come, especially after this piece airs later on today. It will be painful because it picks open a wound that has barely had time to scab up, let alone heal.

New Birth is coming under attack because of this, and it might be time for the church and Bishop Long to come to some terms where he can step down for a bit until this cools down, or until it is resolved.

But it can't just cool down. Recent events have shown us this.

News reports still have been streaming in, since news broke on the settlement at the end of May. In late July, a 5th accuser was revealed, a man by the name of Centino Kemp. One of New Birth's elder's Bernice King, the youngest daughter of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. left the church shortly after news of the settlement was announced. (She said that the two weren't connected but you can read that story here.)

Look, at some point this has to end and it might be best for all involved if Bishop Long could step down until all this is sorted out. If not, then how much longer will the stories continue and serve as distractions for God's word?

When Subway comes to town

Recently, a Subway opened up in Buckhead. Now while that might not seem like big news or something worth talking about - it really kinda is.

For the past week throngs have descended upon the sand which shoppe with lines long enough to almost stretch out of the door. What's more important, is that it looks like it could be taking away customers from some of the more established eateries on the corner.

So why is Subway winning with the lunchtime Buckhead crowd? Quite simple, it's a healthier alternative and it's the new shiny toy that many are playing with now.

It's a pricey toy, as a filling meal cost a little more than 9 bucks for me (ouch). But lunch goers are willing to pay for that, as Subway represents the mecca of all healthy eating. Does anyone remember Jared?

So healthy lunch eaters in Buckhead can rejoice. They have a new option. Now if only they could leave the vending machines in their offices alone.

Limited resources limit immigration law enforcement

A few months back Georgia adopted an aggressive law to crack down on illegal immigrants. Since that time, throngs of protests have occurred, as well as many people moving back to their home countries.

This seems to be entirely different from what the Federal government announced this week.

According to a report from the Associated Press, federal officials say they have limited resources for detaining and deporting illegal immigrants and are focusing on expelling violent criminals and those who pose threats to national security.

They said they are now giving special consideration to illegal immigrants who were brought here as children, high school graduates and others who served or are serving in the U.S. military.

This stark contrast could give a huge boost to those opposing the law here in Georgia. But to be fair, their have been questions on how law enforcement could even carry out these laws due to limited resources.

It will be interesting to see if anything else comes out of this news.

Government Assistance, would you take it?

During a recent visit to my barber, I marveled at how he and his wife were able to afford a five bedroom home - complete with a studio - while having seven children.

I just wanted to know how he was able to obtain this and what secrets did he have for managing money, so that I could perhaps gain some insight.

The answer wasn't what I thought at all. Apparently my barber and his wife had a voucher to live in Section 8 Housing and were paying next to nothing in housing. They were also getting assistance to help raise their children.

Now, I have nothing against anyone getting help from the government, or entitlement programs, but sometimes it makes you upset with the people that abuse these programs.

"I work for mine" is a popular saying that I often here from the opponents of such programs. But is it staunch dislike, or jealousy that they aren't able to get this type of assistance.

What if those not getting assistance suddenly had the opportunity to get it? Would they accept it, or would they turn it down. Interestingly enough I believe that some would indeed take it and perhaps engage in some of the behaviors of people that abuse it.

It's easy to criticize and say what we won't do, but who can tell what will happen until the opportunity to take action comes up?

Be the wife of his youth

There comes a point in time nearly every married man's life when he realizes that he didn't marry his girlfriend ... he married his wife.

Now this isn't to say that these are two different people. No, they are one in the same. But for a wife the stakes in life are higher and there are a great deal of expectations that go along with the new path that both are about to embark on.

The girlfriend remains that optimistic female, full of youth and vigor, not yet scarred by the ups and downs of the relationship or difficulties that life has thrown in the couple's way.

The girlfriend is chaotic pleasure and a thrill ride of excitement. A wife is responsibility and order to a once carefree lifestyle.

Is it any wonder why Proverbs 5:18 speaks of being with the wife of your youth.

Yet husbands often forget all that a woman goes through. The emotional cycles, pregnancies, child birth (two different things), aging and watching the children grow up - these are all things that profoundly impact a wife's outlook on life.

But while husbands should be mindful of these changes, wives should be mindful as well.

Husbands still want that woman of adventure and kindness. They want that woman who melts in their arms and supports them despite any mistakes or misgivings they might have made over the years.

So I ask the wives this, are you ready to be the wife of his youth?