How to get him out of the Strip Club

I was asked the question why men love strip clubs so much. As I was formulating my answer, I thought that it might be best to help women, who are desperately trying to get their men out of the club, understand how it could be possible to attain this goal.

First let's answer why the strip clubs snare men. Women, you need to understand that strip clubs are one of the ultimate forms of escapism for men. It plays upon the fact that men visual creatures and it stimulates us with fantasy perhaps becoming reality.

It tugs on men's strings just like a romance novel would tug on yours.

So, does this mean that you need to learn poll dancing, slim down and wear skimpy clothes to keep us at home? No. That's a farce. You're never going to be able to provide the fantasy that men can get from these places. You're only going to encourage us to go to those places more.

What you can do is this. Stop giving us a place to escape from. Turn the man's reality into a fantasy. Nowadays as men we are bogged down with being providers for our family. That leads to us making the heavy decision makers. We are tasked with always trying to make the right decisions for the family. If we fail then the results could be disastrous.  Imagine being shouldered with all that pressure on a daily basis. At some point there is going to be a breaking point.

But if we are supported and nurtured in our decision making, and we get support from our families instead of scorn - then this will deter many of us from needing that escape that the strip clubs provide. 

Mom and me

Things change. I think I was 13-years-old when I took this picture with my mother outside my aunt's house in North Carolina.

Now 20 years later, I'm all grown up, a bit taller and my mom is a grandmother. She recently came down for about three weeks to see my wife and I along with our bundle of joy Grace.

It was a surreal experience for me, because this was the first time since 1996 that I spent that much time with my mom.Where does the time go?

The one thing that I learned the most from her visit, other than I need to take care of myself and dress better, is that you never really stop being a parent.

My mom came to help me out during a tough time with Grace. And in helping out she gave me some of that sage wisdom she is known for.

"One of the best jobs you'll ever have is being a parent."

Looking at my daughter Grace, and remembering the short time I had with Benjamin - I have to admit...she's right.

Thanks mom.

On the final episode of  Joss Whedon's television series Angel, the protagonist and his team find themselves going up against insurmountable odds as apocalypse has been unleashed on earth.

Standing in an alley way soaking wet and half beaten, with some of their numbers depleted - as pictured above - the crew embarks on what could be their final battle against the forces of evil. The battle was spurred on by Angel's refusal to go along with the flow and do something to strike back at the forces of evil.

Isn't this just like the walk of a Christian? I mean when you think about it, as long as we're willing to go along with things as they are and not be shining lights to our community, then things are fine. But the moment we take a stand against sin, that's when all hell breaks loose and we face adversity.

So many times I've found myself in this position, and to be honest, sometimes I've just gone along not wanting to ruffle any feathers. Has anyone else done this? Have you just wanted to fit in? Or just be accepted?

I know I use to face this dilemma all the time when I was a reporter working for small newspapers. I remember one time in particular a former managing editor at the newspaper I was working for was arrested for outstanding parking tickets.

The paper got a heads up that he was going to be arrested and madly rushed over to his residence to take pictures of him being apprehended. I didn't go with them, but at the same time, I didn't express my displeasure in them doing this.

To do so, would incur the wrath of my co-workers and put me on the outside (ironically, I would eventually become an outsider anyway). I let my fear prevent me from standing up and doing what was right.

I think the key point of Christianity is that standing up for what is right isn't easy, and it's going to cost you something. I think Christ put it best in Luke 9:23 when he said: If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.

The Grind

It was a hard day at work, and an even harder one at home.  

My palms were sweaty and my 4-month-old daughter wouldn't stop crying. My wife and I were in an argument over something so silly that I can't remember what it was about.

It was during that time I realized that I was stuck in the Grind.

The Grind, as defined as by The O.A.W. Report, is when you finally slow down in life, only to speed up, if that makes any sense.

It's a time when work becomes more hectic, the demands of the family grow, and personal time is virtually nonexistent. The only time there is peace, is when there is sleep, and to be honest often times or not, there isn't too much of that to be had.

The Grind is every bachelor's fear and every husband's eventual reality. You become thought of more for what you can do as opposed to being loved for who you are.

The sense of adventure seems to be gone as well. That adrenaline rush you get from a day out with the crew, is replaced by the rush that's produced to get you through the wide assortment of chores and tasks that you have to complete by the end of the day.

Your lunch break becomes a mad dash to do all the extra behind the scenes things at home that you won't be able to do once you get off. 

In a sense it's like you're on a constant deadline and failure to accomplish a task in the allotted  time equals an absence of peace in the valley. 

Relationship Rant #314

Wouldn't it be nice if relationships could be as tranquil in this photo?

Sadly, that's not the reality in many ongoing relationships these days. There are twists and turns and more intrigue than an episode of Law & Order SVU.

In conversations that I have had with single adults it seems like both parties are seeking one thing when they get into a serious relationship - and that's security. They want to know if they align themselves with this person, that everything's going to be alright.

Unfortunately there is no such thing - at least not by man's standards. Nearly any married couple you talk to will tell you that the picture-perfect relationship they have envisioned has been tarnished by - reality.


The only security that you can get from a relationship is one from God. Point blank. Sometimes Christians often put too much of their faith in the significant other and are disappointed when this person doesn't meet their standards or expectations.

In order to truly obtain that peaceful scene that was depicted above, Christians must have that strong relationship with God, so that they can weather the storms that life and some relationships bring.

Obama's Job Plan

As I type this the pundits are already busy dissecting Obama's speech and his plan to attack the unemployment rate in the U.S. I've listened to some of the criticisms that have been thrown up but not too many. I've purposely stayed away from Fox news. I can only take so much negativity at a given time.

But the plan is a daunting task, as unemployment rates in the country are now at 9.1 percent. But Obama is asking Congress to put aside their political differences and help pass a $450 billion Jobs plan.

Here are some of the details as gleamed from an Associated Press story:

• The plan would cut the Social Security payroll tax both for tens of millions of workers and for employers.

• For individuals, that tax has been shaved from 6.2 percent to 4.2 percent for this year but is to go back up again without action by Congress. Obama wants to deepen the cut to 3.1 percent for workers.

• Obama would also apply the payroll tax cut to employers, halving their taxes to 3.1 percent on their first $5 million in payroll. 

• Businesses that hire new workers or give raises to those they already employ would get an even bigger benefit:  On payroll increases up to $50 million they would pay no Social Security tax.

 I don't know if these will work, but I have to say that this country seems to be in a crisis mode as of late. People are desperately looking for jobs - good quality jobs. Earlier I spoke about the forgotten ones, those individuals who are 55 and older, who are out of work and unable to go back and be retrained to do something else.

These blue collar workers, who I think are the backbone of this country, have been left out in the lurch. It is unclear if Obama's plan can do anything to help those individuals. It's unclear if Obama's plan will work at all.

I'll admit, I'm cautious. Not because I don't have faith in Obama, or I bemoan what he's doing, but rather because the employment situation in this economic has been a perfect storm. Less people are hiring, therefore less people are buying, which is causing businesses to hire less people.

I hope our President is able to succeed. Another few years of this could spell disaster for the country.

The price of Anger

Wow, this fellow looks angry doesn't he? I wonder what ticked off this individual to the point where he would make such a face? Certainly this individual is unhinged, or maybe he's reached the point of no return in controlling his anger.

Whatever the case may be, anger is a serious emotion. It is one of the few emotions, that if people dwell in it long enough, they will be overcome by it and the consequences can be disastrous.

But before we go any further, let's define anger. According to the American Psychological Association, anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.

The APA goes into further detail about the emotion and says that it could be a good thing and give

you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems.

But the agency said that excessive anger can cause problems.

Last week, I saw two major examples of this.

The first was when I was on my way to work and a car pulled out on a pedestrian trying to cross the street. The two got into a heated verbal altercation, with the driver threatening the pedestrian to come back so they could finish this. The driver was dwelling in his anger.

The second example is a bit more personal. As I was leaving the mall with my daughter Grace, I stepped out in front of a young man walking and talking on his cellphone.

I  apologized to him, but he didn't understand what I said and thought I was saying something cross to him. He turned around looking for a confrontation - instead I repeated my apology and went on about my business. Thank God I didn't dwell in my anger - doesn't mean that I haven't before - this time I didn't.

Anger is a tricky emotion for us to deal with. Because the emotion can be of some use. I think the question now becomes, what does God have to say about the matter, specifically anger.

An excerpt from GotQuestions.org answers this best for us:

"Anger turns to sin when it is selfishly motivated (James 1:20), when God’s goal is distorted (1 Corinthians 10:31), or when anger is allowed to linger (Ephesians 4:26-27). Instead of using the energy generated by anger to attack the problem at hand, it is the person who is attacked."

Again the problem with Anger lingering comes up. But why does it linger. Let me offer my opinion. I think anger provides fuel and excitement at times. It becomes a natural boost for people in times of great stress. 

Think about how you feel when you're angry. You feel motivated, your adrenaline levels are pretty high. At times you think you can conquer the world. You get so fired up that you feel as if anyone who gets in your way is going to be demolished.But the consequences can be dire.

American author Greg Pak dealt with the price of rage and lingering in anger during his stent as writer on Marvel Comic's The Incredible Hulk.

In a storyline called World War Hulk (the cover of the first issue is pictured above), Pak demonstrated that how continued rage has a terrible price. Yes you can get angry, yes you can go into rage - but it's going to cost you something.

What's the take home message from all of this? How does this hit home? I think it has to do with our relationships, whether they're with family members, co-workers or even strangers.

Marriage is a place where anger that hasn't been dealt with properly, can change or metamorphose into something terrible. Have you ever seen a couple arguing over how a towel is hung up in the home? Have you ever been the couple that has these arguments?

Years ago, I saw a family indulge in his wholesale anger and savagely beat a woman with a 2X4.  He was angry over something she had done to him and his only mode or recourse was to beat her. Fortunately, a police officer was driving by when this happened and the family member was thrown in jail.  He let his anger get the best of him, he gave into his rage and the price was his freedom.

Dwelling in anger costs us. What's the price that some of you are willing to pay for your continued anger? Is it your job? Is it your family? Is it your freedom? Maybe it's your life.

Sewing into God's Kingdom

"A lot of people don't go to church because the church will take everything you have and when you need help, they'll tell you they don't have any money to help you. Where is the return on my investment?"

I heard this line during a trip to the barbershop this past Saturday. It's not a belief I prescribe to, but it's something that I believe Christians can't avoid in discussions with unbelievers and those that have had bad experiences with the church in this day and age.

I think what many people see are affluent pastors, laden with gold and accoutrements, luxurious church buildings and they don't see that transferring over into their own lives. There then comes a point of frustration and out of that a sense of jealousy.

It's during this time that the focus comes off God and is instead focused on the perceived shortcomings of the church and its leadership. Giving tithe has nothing to do with what you'll get back. It has everything to do about sewing a seed in God's kingdom.

If people don't trust giving tithe to the church, then perhaps they should find another church that they can support and get behind. At the end of the day, it's not going to matter what someone else did to you, but rather how you served God's kingdom.

A (Dance) Step in the Right Direction

 So Nancy Grace is going to be on the upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars.

The star prosecutor and HLN host is going to try her hand at securing that sacred trophy. Let the O.A.W. 
Report go on record and say that it is in favor of this move.

We're not going to chastise Nancy, but rather we're going to support this move.

Nancy Grace deals with some of the sickest, darkest stories regarding victims imaginable and it's about time the media saw a lighter, softer side of her.

Those who live in the Buckhead area have already seen beneath her the stern facade she exudes during the media.There have been sightings of Nancy Grace in restaurants armed with a bundle of coloring books and crayons in hand ... ready to engage her children and spend time with them at the drop of a dime.

 Kudos to her and thanks once again to all involved for this decision.

Why I do, What I do.

Because I'm a slim guy, some friends and family members have often made snide comments about me working out.

The taunts I think spring from uneducated minds, because working out isn't about losing weight, so much as it is trying to stay healthy.

My family on my mother's side is predisposed to diabetes and hypertension - the latter of which I had during my 20s before I started my workout routine.

It's important for me to try and maintain my health, by running, lifting weights and keeping busy.

Things are a lot more difficult with Grace (my daughter) around, because now everything has to be tailored around her schedule.

But that by no way means that exercising must be cut out entirely. Now, I get up 4 a.m. and sneak away to a popular running trail while Grace is sleeping. For one hour I give it my all before I come back in to relieve my wife of her duties taking care of Grace.

It's a must. In this day and age where so much of our work is done sitting down using computers, and inside an office all day long, a regular work out routine is needed.

We have to keep fit. So to all of those who have made the beanpole comments and the toothpick comments, save them. I'm trying to see my daughter grow up, and I want to enjoy as much time with her as I can.