Black fathers do stick around

A few weeks ago, I was in the park with my children and I came across a young father guiding his son ever-so-cautiously through the monkey bars. We briefly looked at one another and did a silent nod in agreement.

"That's what's up," he finally said in a monotone voice. The kid couldn't be any older than 21. But we instantly knew that we were two African American males breaking stereotypes surrounding black fathers. More often than not black fathers are stepping up and becoming a stronger component in their children's lives.

A CDC surveyed more than 3,900 fathers between 2006 and 2010 and found that black fathers were more likely to bathe, dress, play and dine with their children as compared to their White and Hispanic counterparts. 

It's a stark contrast from the biased reports that black fathers don't care or don't really take care of  their children. Most of my friends are great fathers - regardless if they're divorced, married or not even in relationships with the mother of the child. They're good men who walk with their sons and daughters every step of the way.

I get upset whenever we see the amazing (note my sarcasm) stories of men who have fathered 20 and 34 children and are treated like the norm. These men talk about putting in time with their children, but real fathers know how hard it is to spend the appropriate amount of time with just one child.

Thankfully, that's not the norm and there are numerous black fathers who care about their children and love them unconditionally.

Don't judge a book by its past

     A few weeks ago, America was taken aback by footage of an Omaha Nebraska toddler that was prompted by adults to curse and utter out vulgar phrases. The recordings made quite a stir as the Omaha police union posted the video footage on their website and called this the Thug Cycle.

    

     Popular pundits tackled the story from all sides – from attacking the parents, to attacking the police association for making comments regarding the video. There’s one particular angle that I want to discuss and that’s the question of whether or not this video is being blown out of proportion and that events like this are isolated in this country.
   
     Well, I’m here to say no. This isn't isolated. But that's not to say that you can't overcome what you've seen in your past. And I’m not going to speak about what I have heard about, but rather what I have experienced and how that shaped me into the man I am today. I’m a 35-year-old black man, who grew up in a rural South Carolina town, during the 80s and 90s.

     When I was 6-years-old, I witnessed my next door neighbor savagely beating a woman out in broad day light with a wooden board. His porch was filled with spectators of both sexes that cheered him on after each painful strike. No one did anything to break it up – until an off duty police officer just happened to pass by and took the neighbor into custody.

     I can remember when I was in middle school – a man, who lived right down the street from my parents hit his pregnant-teen daughter in the head with a  glass plate. I still remember her cries as her family held a blood soaked towel to her head … hoping to staunch the bleeding. At the same time, he yelled out that this was his home and he runs it, and no one could tell him any different.

    I recall a young couple that lived in front of my parents’ home, that would have bare knuckle fist fights in view of everyone at the end of every month. Often times the woman would be on the losing end.

     Some of the things I saw and experienced as a child are unspeakable, but they were common place for my neighborhood back then. They were also the foundation for me to want something better for myself and my family.

     I now have a wife, that I have never and will never lay a hand on,  as well as a daughter now, and they are both far removed from the foolishness that I along with countless others in my neighborhood experienced.

    Some weren’t as fortunate and went down a different path, but a strong mother, who saw to it that I graduated from college, and a father who stayed in the household, helped shape me into the man I am today.


     So I close with this, children are often exposed to a whole lot more than they should be, but that isn't always an automatic death sentence. Some are able to become productive members of society and escape the "Thug Cycle." You can be successful.

EBT Fiasco in Louisiana should be a wake up call

     This past Saturday in some parts of Louisiana, shelves were picked clean - grocery carts were filled to the brim with food and supplies all to suddenly be left abandoned in the middle of the Wal-Mart aisles. Did the Zombie apocalypse that conspiracy theorists and sci-fi buffs readily speculate about finally come true?

     Well - not exactly. Instead what happened was almost just as surreal. See this past Saturday apparently there was some type of glitch with  Electronics Benefits Transfer cards (the EBT system allows beneficiaries to use the card to make certain purchases) in Louisiana. EBT card holders discovered that they had unlimited funds on these diminutive pieces of plastic. What ensued was a barrage of EBT holders hitting up the local Wal-Marts in some parts of Lousiana and stocking up on as much as they could - then getting to the cash register only to find out that instead of unlimited funds they had severely limited funds - some as  little as 49 cents. You can read more about the story here.

     Now if this isn't strong enough ammunition to have Congress revisit and make drastic changes to the benefits program, then I don't know what could be. Here you have a group of "shoppers" willing to take advantage of the glitch and abscond several hundred dollars worth of food - based on the fact that a glitch enabled them to have unlimited access to TAX PAYER DOLLARS!!!!

    Take the case of one woman, who had less than a dollar on her card and was detained after trying to ring up $700 worth of merchandise, according to  KSLA,  a news station based in Louisiana.  The station added that Wal-Mart said it wouldn’t press charges if she left the food.

     Listen, this is just plain thievery. There's no other way around it and the time to be polite about it needs to end now. Congress needs to take action. (To see why Congress won't take action anytime soon see Gov. Shutdown Day 1- 15 and counting).

     In a past blog, I made the suggestion that lawmakers need to revamp this system, which is rife with fraudulent claims and activity. I cited the need for an educational piece to accompany it, to help recipients get off the system and develop skills so they can be self sufficient. I simply just don't agree with removing benefits abruptly. I think that's a terrible idea, because you have a system that generations have been indoctrinated into.

     This simply cannot go on. When can we see this flawed system repaired, or do we have to witness another debacle like Saturday -with mass amounts of attempted theft. Law makers - especially Democrats who champion this entitlement program, have to come to some concession and realize that it's not beneficial and it threatens the welfare of this country.

     And if you think I'm blowing this out of proportion, I want to leave you with a quote from a man from my home town that would often brag to people about the benefits he received.

    "The more you make, the more I get."

Hey... you're not Madea. You're actually abusing your child!

     Madea is a fictional character created and portrayed by Tyler Perry in numerous films; television sitcoms and plays.  She's a stern matriarch that commands respect and is not afraid to dole out some tough love or a butt kicking, or a headlock to any disobedient children (or adults for that matter).She has a soft side (which is tough to find) and often imparts knowledge and shows a strong commitment to her family.

     Unfortunately, there are too many moms out there (not all, but some), who are emulating the "tough" aspect of the ficitional Madea's personality, and it comes off as verbal and emotional abuse. We have moms that are cursing their kids out to the point of insanity. When is it ever OK to call your child out of their name?

     I'll never forget the time I heard a woman cursing out her 6-year-old daughter on the train. She called this little girl the B-word. How can there be any hope for any young man to respect this girl, or this girl to be in any healthy relationship when she reaches adulthood, when she can't even get the tenderness and love from the woman who gave birth to her?

    I can remember seeing a woman dog her elementary school age child out in public - and belittle him like he had committed the worst crime in the world - but when she spoke to a guy that was trying to "holla" at her nearly seconds later, she grinned from ear to ear like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. I wonder if she stopped to think about how her son felt when saw a man his mother just met, getting more respect than from her than her own flesh and blood.

    To the moms out there that do this ... you cannot verbally and emotionally abuse your children like this. If you want productive, emotionally stable adults to go out here and make a difference, then check your frustrations at the door when it comes to the treatment of these children. How can we hope to raise the future leaders of this nation, when you are tearing down their foundation before it is even solidified. 

     And this is prevalent in some parts of the black community, and we don't talk about it. Instead we brush it to the side. We ignore it and just chalk it up to saying that mom has had a bad day. We never get to the root of the issue and it boils and festers inside us until we reach adulthood.

     I know children can be frustrating and they can take you through a lot. I know there are times when you want to throw your hands and give up, especially if you're doing it on your own. One small mistake from a child, like spilled punch on the floor, or a disciplinary report from the teacher can bring a parent one step closer to a meltdown. But in the midst of whatever order and chaos comes from this we must not forget that we are these children's protectors. We must never treat them like they are our enemies. They're facing enough in this world already.

   

Daitng women who have children with different fathers

     Back when I was in my early teens, I was looking out of the front window of my parent's home, when I heard a woman in her late teens arguing with the father of one of her children (I refuse to say the dreaded BD phrase). Apparently this guy (who was a teen himself) was jealous about the attention she was getting from another father of her children.

    "Don't worry about what they're doing for theirs, you worry about what you're doing for yours," she told him.
   
     I always kept that story in my heart, and I never forgot that phrase. And it adds so much to what I'm about to say, which will probably get a lot of young people angry with me - but men we need to be especially careful dating and getting into relationships with these young women with children with multiple fathers.

    Simply put, we as men, more often than not we don't show the capacity or tenacity to give a woman with multiple children, that we didn't father; the love that she needs to hold that family together. Now before people decry that I'm way off base, I want to say that I'm not attacking the blended family. I'm not attacking the man who is ready to make that sacrifice and go on that long journey with the woman, who will openly embrace this woman's children. Again, I'm not attacking the blended family.

     But I am attacking the young man who is sleeping with these women, who has no intentions of taking hold and leading a family or has no idea that having a relationship with a woman that has children from multiple men is difficult. When these young men do this, when they sleep with these women, when they don't look at the high stakes surrounding the relationship that they are in with these women, then chaos ensues. These men become vilified and become one more disappointment in these women's lives and the children are left even more confused about what a strong father figure looks like.
 
     Why does this happen? Why is this such an issue? Because - and (all the men that are reading this) let's be real - we don't understand these women's story. We don't understand the difficulty of raising a child and being the one that is there for the long haul. We don't have a permanent reminder of the previous failed relationship. And to if we as men are brutally honest with ourselves... we just don't take the time to care. 

    I'm always reminded of a case that occurred on Judge Joe Brown a few years back, where a young woman (who had children) was upset because a man she wasn't married to or did not have children with, wanted to take back a car they purchased that was in her possession (see below).



 This woman is upset, and while it would be so easy to attack her and come down on her attitude. We have to understand where this woman is coming from. It's high stakes for her. She's concerned about her children.

  Her journey is her own, and this man isn't in it anymore. And Judge Joe Brown even brings up a strong point. He tells her that the kids weren't his and that they weren't married. He doesn't have any obligations.

    Men - we don't have the same obligations that these women do with the children. Unless we want to make that sacrifice and take up that obligation and be there for the long haul... then we have no business trying to maintain a romantic interest with these women.

Don Lemon was and still is right

     A few months ago CNN's Don Lemon made some controversial comments regarding race, in which he
 challenged African Americans to deal with some of the negative aspects of black culture. Lemon, who is an African American himself, was highly criticized for what he told viewers - but the fact remains is that he has a valid point and he is correct. You can see the video here.

 

 My take on it is this, as blacks we cannot address a flawed system, without first addressing the internal conflict within our own community and culture.It makes no sense for us to be fighting for rights publicly, when we're crumbling internally. It always baffles me about how many of these so-called bloggers try and fight for social injustice, but never even talk about the internal issues that blacks face. It's time to stop playing the blame game. It's time to look in the mirror and do an honest assessment. It's time to take ownership.

 Lemon points out that it all comes down to the disintegration of the black family (Although to be fair, he piggy backs off of Bill O'Reilly).

     Look at the statistics. More than 70% of black children are born out of wedlock. I want to say this - being a parent of a young daughter- both my wife and I realize the tremendous difficulty and the sheer amount of stress and strain it takes to raise a child. Even with two, it's hard!! If you don't have a strong support system, then it's going to be very difficult to give that child the love and attention it needs.

    Instead, what sometimes happens is - and I see this everyday when I'm on the train - you have a young mom who is physically tired and emotionally drained to the point where she has become frustrated with the child. She is a single parent, and there isn't a man in sight. The simplest offense that child commits can turn into a tongue lashing that often times crosses into verbal abuse.

    I'll never forget when I was riding the train and a young mom kicked over her baby's stroller with the baby in it... simply because she was tired of the baby crying.

     And what of the black males? According to statistics presented on the NAACP website, if current trends continue, one in three black males born today can expect to spend time in prison during his lifetime. Wow. What kind of future can a young black male hope to have with these statistics. Why do we turn to crime instead of trying to get an education and become a strong force within this system?

    I grew up in a small community. And I can tell you, looking at the young men in my neighborhood...that these statistics are true. A young man that I recently grew up with was murdered for a drug deal gone wrong. He was living that "life" as some might call it. He was in his early 30s.


     Look, I can go on at length about this, and I'm barely scratching the surface. But in terms of race relations, we are at a code red when it comes down some of the internal issues we face. I think before we can adequately have rational discussions about race relations, when need to clean up and fix our internal issues.

Be upfront and honest!!!!

Here's one thing that I just don't understand. Why can't single people be more honest about who they're seeing - why can't they just be upfront about it?

I say this, because of the insight that I've gained as a married man. All too often, I see many people who are single try to act like they're married, when their really is no need too.

Faithfulness in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is only for that other person's piece of mind, and is not solidified by any bond. With the exception of common law, and you have to be together for 7 years for that to happen - you aren't really entitled to anything if you two breakup.

But that's not my point. My point is that their are many of my single male friends who are "playas" and feel the need to lie to women that they aren't seeing anyone else.

Here's a novel idea - why not tell the women up front - and then there won't be anything to hide. You don't have any obligation to them. The same goes for women!!! It is incredible the lengths that some single people will go to, when a dose of honesty would end the need for lies and deception.

Straighten it our before you get married

A couple of weeks ago, I went over to an old college buddy's house, and found him playing a video game on his laptop. His wife came out and greeted him in loving manner and then went back upstairs to get some of her work done.

I was shocked. I was shocked because a lot of my friend's spouses aren't that receptive when it comes to them playing video games or having down time that doesn't totally involve the family.

So, I immediately asked my friend what the secret was, and his reply was golden.

"I got all that straightened out before I got married."

So simple, yet it makes sense.

How often do we "lie" or not fully tell the truth about ourselves when we're dating, and then when we get married our cover ups blow up in our face.

My buddy is a hardcore gamer and his wife knew the exact extent of his gaming prowess. Some gamers, like myself, never fully reveal the extent to which we will play video games, which can be quite troubling for our spouses.

What happens is, that we sacrifice something that is important to us - to keep the peace- but we grow resentful.

I think at some key, core level, we really don't want our spouse to see the side that might not be perceived as cool or interesting.

Confused Christian seeking understanding

I'm not a member of New Birth Missionary Baptist Church.

I've never attended the church in Dekalb County, and I've never met its leader - Bishop Eddie Long.

But that doesn't change the fact that as a Christian man, I'm concerned confused over what's happening with at the church and with Bishop Long. Ever since the sexual misconduct allegations started for Bishop Long, he and his church have made headlines here in Atlanta.

Just last week, a story said that Bishop Long's wife, who had filed for divorce, has decided not to leave him. There has been a great deal of back and forth on this issue and the media has reported each decision and each statement that has come out of Long's camp regarding this situation.

But that's not why I'm writing. I'm writing because, believe it or not, my faith is a bit shaken - not in God. No, instead my faith is shaken over church leadership.

After all the news on Bishop Long, which continues to mount every other week, I just don't think that I can blindly trust church leadership anymore. Maybe I never was suppose to. Or maybe, I'm just confused and seeking understanding.

Do you have a Good Man?

It always baffles me, whenever I hear conversations from women complaining about their husbands or boyfriends. They seem to be so critical of him - pointing out every flaw he has - from not putting the towel on the towel rack properly, to not taking them out on the date that they would love to have.

As a man, I'm not perfect. In fact the only person that is perfect is Jesus - and even though I strive to be like him, I'm far from him. I think all too often women are looking for that hero that will sweep them off their feet and solve every problem.

But what women aren't looking at is sometimes they have flooded these men with problems and have put them into a position where they're tired of solving every little thing.

But how do you know if you have a good man? Women ask yourself these questions.

• Does he take care of his family?
• Does he combine his income with yours in an open manner to help you both achieve the hopes and dreams that you have as a family?
• Is he a nice person to those around him?
• Does he show an honest interest in your well being?
• If you were hospitalized could you count on him to visit you and take care of the household while you were away?
• Does he have a love for the Lord and share that love with you?
• Is he faithful?

If the answer to most of these questions is yes, and you still don't think you have a good man, then ask yourself... what's wrong with my perception. Why is it that he isn't one in my own eyes. It could be that your own expectations are clouding your judgement. 

Why I do...What I do

A lot of times I catch a lot of flack for writing from a male's perspective and addressing some of the needs men want in their relationships with women.

Often times some of the female readers of this blog will tell me that I don't realize what men put women through. They say this so much to the point that they really don't get the message.  They really aren't listening to a thing I'm saying - and I bet they aren't listening to what their significant others are saying either.

See sometimes men are cautious about addressing some concerns, for fear of the potential firestorm that it might ignite. If they speak on a certain subject, then a weekend of planned bliss might turn into a two days of unbearable torture.

So, I use this blog to sometimes discuss some of the issues I have dealt with; or issues that I have observed others dealing with. It creates a safe neutral ground for discussion. At the end of the day all we want is peace and love in our households.

Response to the Missing K

I recently read a blog over at The Missing K titled - There Be [censored] in these Woods. You can access it here.

The entry spoke of a young woman and how she had been backstabbed by women in the past, who she thought were her friends. She weaved a tale of jealousy and anger throughout the blog instilling just a dose of healthy paranoia.

After reading the entry, my main question was this, do women really feel like some other women are out to get them? Or is this just a tale of someone who has been hurt by bad relationships in her life?

I don't personally know the writer of the Missing K, so I really don't know the answer to that one. I do know that some women - not all women - are out to get other women.

At a past job, I watched a woman who was quite heavyset harrass and make life a living hell for some of the younger more attractive female employees. If one of the females would start talking to another male employee she would barge in and totally take over the conversation. She would often argue and berate the smaller employees for their size, so I can kind of see where the author of The Missing K is coming from.

But here's the ultimate question, how do women get past that. How do some women move past the cattiness and petty jealousy that surrounds them in their lives? Raising a daughter, I'm going to have to figure out that answer. While the author of The Missing K has stated her alternative - I want to go a different route for my daughter - Peace.

I need help

Lately, I've been going through some very tough issues in my personal life. For those of you that know me personally, you've probably noticed a change in my countenance.

My face is now scraggly with a beard that refuses to grow completely in.

I've lost weight - the tiny bit of muscle mass that I developed at one point is all but gone.

I have not been to church consistently since August. Mentally, I'm a wreck, and spiritually I'm as thirsty as a straggling soul in the Sahara dessert.

How can I look my daughter or wife in the face with all this spiritual turmoil.

The following lyrics to Kanye West's song Amazing explain how I feel right now.

I'm a monster, I'm a killer
I know I'm wrong, yeah
I'm a problem that'll never ever be solved ...

Pray for me y'all.

Occupy Atlanta has hefty price tag

Occupy Atlanta didn't come and go without a price.

The city is saying that Atlanta taxpayers will pick up a $451,691 tab for more than two weeks of  a dispute between the city and Occupy Atlanta protesters, with nearly three-quarters going to police overtime, according to an article published in the AJC. 

The taxpayers are probably irate.

The whole Occupy movement in my view is a bit misguided. Yes, it's sad that people are unable to find work and are unemployed, but what is the purpose of this protest?

Do protestors just want to hang out until things get better? Do they think that the banks or big businesses will cave into their requests because of their sit in?

I think something else was going on in here. Instead of a protest, it seemed to be more like a gathering of kindred spirits -  those unemployed Americans, who quite frankly wanted to make a statement. There was no clear end goal, but a sense of wanting to belong.

I think that point gets lost in the details and in a lot of the media articles that are floating about. People are hurting, and this Occupy movement - well maybe it gave some a sense of belonging to a workforce and a culture that rejected them.

It's just sad that Atlanta is picking up the price tag though.

Occupy [city inserted here]

People are angry and upset. With  the U.S. having an unemployment rate of 9.1%, there is more than enough reason for people to bring out the pitch forks and torches, lashing out at the powers that be.

The latest movement, however, is baffling. Occupy Wall Street, has throngs of people protesting the economic climate in this country as well as the Big Banks. It's very telling that people from across the country are openly protesting in this manner.

But what difference are they making in a game where the stakes are too high to fail?  Some segments of the media have all but dismissed this as a hippie like movement, filled with dissidents that don't have a strategic game plan in order.

These "liberal" flower children are much different from the conservative Tea Party movement that actually became mobilized and put their people in office.

That's what the critics are saying. This is what I'm saying. Jobs are drying up; unemployment is running out; and now the average worker isn't fighting for a raise; they're fighting to keep their jobs. We need change. Things need to get better.

How to get him out of the Strip Club

I was asked the question why men love strip clubs so much. As I was formulating my answer, I thought that it might be best to help women, who are desperately trying to get their men out of the club, understand how it could be possible to attain this goal.

First let's answer why the strip clubs snare men. Women, you need to understand that strip clubs are one of the ultimate forms of escapism for men. It plays upon the fact that men visual creatures and it stimulates us with fantasy perhaps becoming reality.

It tugs on men's strings just like a romance novel would tug on yours.

So, does this mean that you need to learn poll dancing, slim down and wear skimpy clothes to keep us at home? No. That's a farce. You're never going to be able to provide the fantasy that men can get from these places. You're only going to encourage us to go to those places more.

What you can do is this. Stop giving us a place to escape from. Turn the man's reality into a fantasy. Nowadays as men we are bogged down with being providers for our family. That leads to us making the heavy decision makers. We are tasked with always trying to make the right decisions for the family. If we fail then the results could be disastrous.  Imagine being shouldered with all that pressure on a daily basis. At some point there is going to be a breaking point.

But if we are supported and nurtured in our decision making, and we get support from our families instead of scorn - then this will deter many of us from needing that escape that the strip clubs provide. 

The Grind

It was a hard day at work, and an even harder one at home.  

My palms were sweaty and my 4-month-old daughter wouldn't stop crying. My wife and I were in an argument over something so silly that I can't remember what it was about.

It was during that time I realized that I was stuck in the Grind.

The Grind, as defined as by The O.A.W. Report, is when you finally slow down in life, only to speed up, if that makes any sense.

It's a time when work becomes more hectic, the demands of the family grow, and personal time is virtually nonexistent. The only time there is peace, is when there is sleep, and to be honest often times or not, there isn't too much of that to be had.

The Grind is every bachelor's fear and every husband's eventual reality. You become thought of more for what you can do as opposed to being loved for who you are.

The sense of adventure seems to be gone as well. That adrenaline rush you get from a day out with the crew, is replaced by the rush that's produced to get you through the wide assortment of chores and tasks that you have to complete by the end of the day.

Your lunch break becomes a mad dash to do all the extra behind the scenes things at home that you won't be able to do once you get off. 

In a sense it's like you're on a constant deadline and failure to accomplish a task in the allotted  time equals an absence of peace in the valley. 

The price of Anger

Wow, this fellow looks angry doesn't he? I wonder what ticked off this individual to the point where he would make such a face? Certainly this individual is unhinged, or maybe he's reached the point of no return in controlling his anger.

Whatever the case may be, anger is a serious emotion. It is one of the few emotions, that if people dwell in it long enough, they will be overcome by it and the consequences can be disastrous.

But before we go any further, let's define anger. According to the American Psychological Association, anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.

The APA goes into further detail about the emotion and says that it could be a good thing and give

you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems.

But the agency said that excessive anger can cause problems.

Last week, I saw two major examples of this.

The first was when I was on my way to work and a car pulled out on a pedestrian trying to cross the street. The two got into a heated verbal altercation, with the driver threatening the pedestrian to come back so they could finish this. The driver was dwelling in his anger.

The second example is a bit more personal. As I was leaving the mall with my daughter Grace, I stepped out in front of a young man walking and talking on his cellphone.

I  apologized to him, but he didn't understand what I said and thought I was saying something cross to him. He turned around looking for a confrontation - instead I repeated my apology and went on about my business. Thank God I didn't dwell in my anger - doesn't mean that I haven't before - this time I didn't.

Anger is a tricky emotion for us to deal with. Because the emotion can be of some use. I think the question now becomes, what does God have to say about the matter, specifically anger.

An excerpt from GotQuestions.org answers this best for us:

"Anger turns to sin when it is selfishly motivated (James 1:20), when God’s goal is distorted (1 Corinthians 10:31), or when anger is allowed to linger (Ephesians 4:26-27). Instead of using the energy generated by anger to attack the problem at hand, it is the person who is attacked."

Again the problem with Anger lingering comes up. But why does it linger. Let me offer my opinion. I think anger provides fuel and excitement at times. It becomes a natural boost for people in times of great stress. 

Think about how you feel when you're angry. You feel motivated, your adrenaline levels are pretty high. At times you think you can conquer the world. You get so fired up that you feel as if anyone who gets in your way is going to be demolished.But the consequences can be dire.

American author Greg Pak dealt with the price of rage and lingering in anger during his stent as writer on Marvel Comic's The Incredible Hulk.

In a storyline called World War Hulk (the cover of the first issue is pictured above), Pak demonstrated that how continued rage has a terrible price. Yes you can get angry, yes you can go into rage - but it's going to cost you something.

What's the take home message from all of this? How does this hit home? I think it has to do with our relationships, whether they're with family members, co-workers or even strangers.

Marriage is a place where anger that hasn't been dealt with properly, can change or metamorphose into something terrible. Have you ever seen a couple arguing over how a towel is hung up in the home? Have you ever been the couple that has these arguments?

Years ago, I saw a family indulge in his wholesale anger and savagely beat a woman with a 2X4.  He was angry over something she had done to him and his only mode or recourse was to beat her. Fortunately, a police officer was driving by when this happened and the family member was thrown in jail.  He let his anger get the best of him, he gave into his rage and the price was his freedom.

Dwelling in anger costs us. What's the price that some of you are willing to pay for your continued anger? Is it your job? Is it your family? Is it your freedom? Maybe it's your life.

The Millennium Spouse

One of the most important wars being waged right now isn't on some foreign battlefield, rather its in households across the U.S., and the fight is between husbands and wives.

According to statistics presented by divorcerate.org, the divorce rate in the U.S. for first time marriages is 41%. It goes on to say that the divorce rate in America for a second marriage is 60% and for a third marriage it is 73%.

Why are these marriages ending? Well there are lots of reasons, but I really want to offer up this as one potential reason. The unfulfilled expectations of these so-called Millennium men and Women.

I'm specifically referring to those individuals that have a distorted view of their spouse's role in the marriage. All too often these individuals heap on unrealistic expectations that their spouse is unable to fulfill or meet.

Consider this. A man comes home from work after an eight or nine hour shift an discovers that his wife, who is a stay at home mom hasn't prepared a meal. When he enters the door he is furious with his wife because she has had all this time on her hands and she has not prepared a anything for him (not just the family, but him) to eat.

On the flip side, she is equally upset with him because he's not considering all she has gone through with the children and with the upkeep of the house.

Now this is a classic conflict, but where do these Millennium men and women attitudes really come into play. They happen when this period of behavior or conflict happens repeatedly.

It happens when the husband always constantly expects a cooked meal without taking into consideration what his wife has done, and when the wife always uses taking care of the children and the household as an excuse in not preparing a meal.

The two each have an unfulfilled and unrealistic expectation.

In the old days, we were taught that our parents went to work and hardly ever complained about the little things in front of us. They worked 12 hours shifts at times and were still able to take care of the children. A hot meal was provided every night and the husband was able to provide a steady and hefty paycheck to support all the family's needs. He never missed a day of work because he was sick and he was always the consummate provider.

In this new age however, we often look at those models as what we want in our spouse, but we are unable to truly follow these models for ourselves. There is no give and take. We just want to take, which causes the Millennium man or woman attitudes to come into play.

If I could be blunt for a minute . . .

A couple of days ago at the bus station, I saw a young couple possibly in their 20s having an argument. Or rather, I saw a young woman arguing while her boyfriend or husband looked off into the distance.

I could not get the total gist of the argument, but it seemed to revolve around the fact that this young man wasn't able to provide a suitable quality of life that was to the young woman's liking.

For the better part of five minutes I listened in on this one sided argument. Three feelings immediately washed over me.

Shock. Disgust. Anger.

I was angry with the young woman more than anything. Do you all want to know why? Do you really want to know the single solitary reason that this bothers me? It's because all too often I have seen good strong men, who are doing the right thing, get totally shot down by their spouses or mates.

We often hear that we aren't good enough, or we fail to measure up to some invisible standard that always changes - even once we meet it.

What ever happened to women being satisfied with what their mate is able to provide for them? Whatever happened to women showing respect to men and their accomplishments as opposed to belittling them for their failures.

I realize this picture isn't indicative of all women. My wife is a good woman who has given me nothing more than the uttermost respect throughout our marriage. No, who I'm referring to are those women, who constantly brow beat their husbands and mates, who don't appreciate what they truly have.

These are the same women, who seem to think that a man is nothing more than an ATM - an open checkbook who's job is to fulfill a fantasy and lavish lifestyle. Nothing could be further from the truth.

A good man is a provider. He often sacrifices for the betterment of his family. He takes care of his children and his significant other and makes sure that their needs . . . needs ... NEEDS are met.

A good man will labor and toil for his spouse beyond the midnight hour. He will die for his wife and children if need be. He will take any amount of pain or punishment to make sure that his family is successful and are taken care of.

But to some women that's not enough - and those are the women that this post is mainly geared toward. So the female readers that have a good man and treat him well - or maybe even have a bad man and treat him so-so, this post isn't for you. Just ignore it.

But for those of you who do have that great man that you can't seem to appreciate, please stop and take a moment to take out that huge list of expectations, crumple it up and toss it in the fire. Your significant other isn't a Genie put on this earth to simply grant your wishes. He's a living breathing instrument of God put in place to lead a family.