Back when I was in my early teens, I was looking out of the front window of my parent's home, when I heard a woman in her late teens arguing with the father of one of her children (I refuse to say the dreaded BD phrase). Apparently this guy (who was a teen himself) was jealous about the attention she was getting from another father of her children.
"Don't worry about what they're doing for theirs, you worry about what you're doing for yours," she told him.
I always kept that story in my heart, and I never forgot that phrase. And it adds so much to what I'm about to say, which will probably get a lot of young people angry with me - but men we need to be especially careful dating and getting into relationships with these young women with children with multiple fathers.
Simply put, we as men, more often than not we don't show the capacity or tenacity to give a woman with multiple children, that we didn't father; the love that she needs to hold that family together. Now before people decry that I'm way off base, I want to say that I'm not attacking the blended family. I'm not attacking the man who is ready to make that sacrifice and go on that long journey with the woman, who will openly embrace this woman's children. Again, I'm not attacking the blended family.
But I am attacking the young man who is sleeping with these women, who has no intentions of taking hold and leading a family or has no idea that having a relationship with a woman that has children from multiple men is difficult. When these young men do this, when they sleep with these women, when they don't look at the high stakes surrounding the relationship that they are in with these women, then chaos ensues. These men become vilified and become one more disappointment in these women's lives and the children are left even more confused about what a strong father figure looks like.
Why does this happen? Why is this such an issue? Because - and (all the men that are reading this) let's be real - we don't understand these women's story. We don't understand the difficulty of raising a child and being the one that is there for the long haul. We don't have a permanent reminder of the previous failed relationship. And to if we as men are brutally honest with ourselves... we just don't take the time to care.
I'm always reminded of a case that occurred on Judge Joe Brown a few years back, where a young woman (who had children) was upset because a man she wasn't married to or did not have children with, wanted to take back a car they purchased that was in her possession (see below).
This woman is upset, and while it would be so easy to attack her and come down on her attitude. We have to understand where this woman is coming from. It's high stakes for her. She's concerned about her children.
Her journey is her own, and this man isn't in it anymore. And Judge Joe Brown even brings up a strong point. He tells her that the kids weren't his and that they weren't married. He doesn't have any obligations.
Men - we don't have the same obligations that these women do with the children. Unless we want to make that sacrifice and take up that obligation and be there for the long haul... then we have no business trying to maintain a romantic interest with these women.
"Don't worry about what they're doing for theirs, you worry about what you're doing for yours," she told him.
I always kept that story in my heart, and I never forgot that phrase. And it adds so much to what I'm about to say, which will probably get a lot of young people angry with me - but men we need to be especially careful dating and getting into relationships with these young women with children with multiple fathers.
Simply put, we as men, more often than not we don't show the capacity or tenacity to give a woman with multiple children, that we didn't father; the love that she needs to hold that family together. Now before people decry that I'm way off base, I want to say that I'm not attacking the blended family. I'm not attacking the man who is ready to make that sacrifice and go on that long journey with the woman, who will openly embrace this woman's children. Again, I'm not attacking the blended family.
But I am attacking the young man who is sleeping with these women, who has no intentions of taking hold and leading a family or has no idea that having a relationship with a woman that has children from multiple men is difficult. When these young men do this, when they sleep with these women, when they don't look at the high stakes surrounding the relationship that they are in with these women, then chaos ensues. These men become vilified and become one more disappointment in these women's lives and the children are left even more confused about what a strong father figure looks like.
Why does this happen? Why is this such an issue? Because - and (all the men that are reading this) let's be real - we don't understand these women's story. We don't understand the difficulty of raising a child and being the one that is there for the long haul. We don't have a permanent reminder of the previous failed relationship. And to if we as men are brutally honest with ourselves... we just don't take the time to care.
I'm always reminded of a case that occurred on Judge Joe Brown a few years back, where a young woman (who had children) was upset because a man she wasn't married to or did not have children with, wanted to take back a car they purchased that was in her possession (see below).
This woman is upset, and while it would be so easy to attack her and come down on her attitude. We have to understand where this woman is coming from. It's high stakes for her. She's concerned about her children.
Her journey is her own, and this man isn't in it anymore. And Judge Joe Brown even brings up a strong point. He tells her that the kids weren't his and that they weren't married. He doesn't have any obligations.
Men - we don't have the same obligations that these women do with the children. Unless we want to make that sacrifice and take up that obligation and be there for the long haul... then we have no business trying to maintain a romantic interest with these women.
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