Rants of a sleep deprived Dad

My wife and I aren't getting much sleep here lately. That's because our little baby girl Grace has the uncanny ability to wake up at 2 a.m. and cry until errr let's say around 5 a.m.

Nothing seems to soothe her. Rubbing doesn't work; cuddling her in my arms and walking back and forth for about 30 minutes straight doesn't work; even reading our favorite book, One Fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish doesn't seem to quite get it.

No little grace cries and then magically, as if someone has told her that its time to go to bed, she stops mid-cry and is out like a light. That's when my wife and I swoop in to get as much sleep as possible.

But we're working on that issue and several others. See in this new age of parenting, when the Internet is available and all kinds of other great advice, you can just Google what your baby is doing and self diagnose the infant yourself.

It's just that awesome. If your baby is crying for no reason at all, it's probably because she has some weird fungal bacteria growing in her nose. The best solution is to take her immediately to her pediatrician.

Is your baby not pooping? Google it and you will see the remedy for that is to put the small infant in a little tub and just jostle her legs around a bit and let the mud slide begin.

All these famous ideas and cures provided to you by moms who are just as sleep deprived as you are and make about as much sense. And they're available to you at anytime.

Here's what I think should happen. Internet service for new parents should be terminated until the child reaches 22 months. The parent should also take sleep deprivation classes about six months prior to the pregnancy. Oh and those books that give you insight on raising an infant - they should be gathered up tossed in a huge bon fire - cause guess what they don't work. I followed the instructions on how to get Grace to burp in five pats to a tee... and it still takes 10 minutes.