In my day job, I often write about loans or financings that companies acquire. Often times to secure this money, the company has to meet certain terms and conditions - milestones if you will. It's very much performance based.
While this is expected in transactions like this, it hardly seems like the performance-based structure would quite lend itself to matters of the heart or relationships. Yet millions of couples go on blissfully unaware that they are in these types of relationships and are forcing "the terms of agreement" in their relationships.
In a conversation during my commute to work on Atlanta's finest rail system, I spoke with a man who was struggling with his wife on this very issue. Often times he has to perform a certain task - whether it's cleaning up the house, or buying her that special gift that she wants - before the relationship can advance (that's code for before she can be cordial to him again).
It's a tough situation he's in. Constantly being put into a "position" where he has to "prove" his love. Now if you're reading this, and you think that this is silly, ask yourself if you're guilty of this?
Do you love your mate unconditionally, or is your significant other only as good as what he or she can do for you? Do you withhold sex from your spouse when they fail to complete a task? Do you have a sour attitude and become emotionally distant when your spouse fails to meet a goal you have set for them and the family?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then I would urge you to reconsider your actions. Not only does it create distance between you and your spouse, but it also serves as a sad narrative of your true character.
End the performance-based relationship and learn to love unconditionally. It will pay off tremendously in the future for the health and well being of your marriage.
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